stronger or weaker
by dewblue53
Summary: bella and the normal crew and pairings, in high school. except edward is with tanya and she breaks up bella and edwards friendship, will bella become stronger or weaker after she leaves to escape the hurt of losing edward and in a way the rest of her fam
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Bella, what are you staring at?". That's the question that my best friend Alice Cullen asked me, she should know I mean look at him, tall, handsome no beautiful , those green pricing eyes, that oddly hot and yet messy bronze hair, and those peek a boo muscles. How could she ask me what was I staring at? Maybe it's because she doesn't she her bother that way I guess. I still today this day can't believe how I have kept my true feelings for her brother, Edward Cullen from her let alone Edward. We were and are the best of friends, always hanging out with each other since the day we were born. My mom always says that I am an open book, so how did I keep this a secret all these years that I Isabella Marie Swan was in complete love with Edward Cullen, one of my best and closest friends in the world.

He was the first person that I went to when my parents were divorcing, the person whom I cried to everyday when my mom left me and my dad as soon as the papers were signed and left to go god knows where, leaving me here in boring old forks (The smallest, coldest and wettest place on earth). At least I had my best friends still and my dad even though we didn't talk much (but with Charlie you didn't have to).

"HELLO……… earth to Bella, are you in there?" Alice said once again waving her hand in front of my face trying to see if she could get my attention.

"Is she okay? What happened Alice?" Edward said, god I could listen to his voice forever, it was sweet and velvety smooth. Too bad I could never tell him this or the small fact that he was the love of my life. I mean how could anyone let alone Edward truly love me. Plain Jane, Bella swan? I had average long brown hair, was tragically pale, with big brown eyes, and yes I was skinny but that also meant that I was well let's face it, small breasted. And forget about telling Alice she would tell me to go for it and give me a make over. God how she loves playing Bella Barbie.

"I don't know? She's just spacing" Alice said "Bella now stop it we are going to be late for class" she says this while pulling my arm towards first period. That snapped me out of it.

"huh? Oh okay sorry" I mumbled embarrassed and probably blushing.

" what ever come on……. I still can't believe that you wore that outfit today…. I mean come on you only have three weeks until prom and you still need a date Bella…….i mean how do you except to get a date wearing stuff like that? You really need to show off a bit more bells" even though I know she means well, it still hurts sometimes when she talks like this…. I mean this is me, shouldn't I try to find a guy who wants me and not the Barbie that I am far from?

"Well that's easy Alice"

"Really how so Bella please tell me?"

"Well, I am not going to prom, so I don't really see why I need a date" i explained easily

"Oh no you don't Bella you are going to prom, even if I have to drag your cute but there …. And trust me I am not the only one who thinks this rose does too, and I bet that the guys want you to be there too….. I mean this is one of the last times that we are all going to dress up other then graduation and party before we leave for school."

"I know that rose and Emmet and you and jazz want me there…."

"So do I" Edwards says as he sneaks an arm around my shoulder and then whispers " by the way I think you look perfect today don't listen to Alice any of the guys here are too good for you anyways" Edward said it low enough so that Alice didn't hear him. And of course my cruse of a blush haunts my face again; I had forgotten he was still here. But he leaves soon enough when his girl friend or the biggest slut in the world calls him; well more likes yells at him to get over there.

"but Bella come on, even if……you.…..don't…..you know have a date we will all have fun….please "Alice gives me her puppy dog eyes…..damn it I can never say no to her when she does that, its not fair.

"Okay Alice I will go."

"yay" Alice does a little dance and skips into her class, waving goodbye, while I head two doors down to mine. All during class the only thing that I could think of is how good and right Edwards arm around me feels and how much I wish that I was stronger so that I could tell him, but also I wish I could have stood my ground on the no prom thing. I hate how sometimes I feel like an extension of alice and the gang and not really my own person.

Alice is this little ball of black spikes and energy. She's small, smart, and sassy. She has the best fashion sense in the group, even topping rose who is a teen model in high school ( something about keeping it real) she tall, blonde and perfect. Perfect shape, eyes, grades, and mechanic. Oh and they have the best boyfriends. Jasper is Alice's boy and rose's brother. He is smart ( his best is in history, is the only one who beat me in a grade ever, but its only in history) he has muscles mainly because he is the wrestling star, blonde, and could basically be a model……he is just way too shy to do anything like that. And Emmet is my brother (that I never had), but we have hardly anything in common, he is big, huge with muscles, at first you are terrified, but really he's a teddy , funny, loud, and well totally at one with himself, he knows who he is and doesn't let anyone tell him otherwise. That's the group the gang, other than Edward, I know all of his physical attributes but he's also smart, cute and kind. The only thing that I don't like about him is his girlfriend Tanya.

Tanya is perfect also strawberry blonde hair that falls perfectly even on a rainy day on her back has legs that never end, curves in the places that they are supposed to be, big boobs, red lips, and blue icy eyes. But she also has an icy heart, she's always yelling at Edward. I couldn't tell you how many times a day that she yells at him and for the worst reasons why. Alice loves her in a way because she like Alice loves to shop. And rose likes her because; well because she makes the group look good, like her, not me.


	2. Chapter 2

I got to the lunch room late because of an exam, I was good in English 101 ( it's a college level and college credited class that only a select few students were in, I am in all of the college credited programs at school, but English is my favorite) . I love English especially the classics that we are currently reading. It seems that life was so much simpler, how I wish that I could live in the days of Jane and Darcy, or the characters of withering Heights. Another reason Edward would never go for me, I was a geek. But one day this trait might help me in life and I might just be stronger because of it.

I picked up an apple and headed to my lunch table waiting on the others to arrive, Edward came first, he looked tired, which was odd because he looked well rested this morning, he grabbed his food and was starting to walk over to the our gangs table, when he suddenly stopped and left. This was strange, and when Alice got to the table I decided to ask her about it.

" I don't know what's up with him bells I really don't, sorry, but if you like I could ask him about it after school and see if he says anything? I mean its probability nothing, but I could if you want, or how about you come over after school and ask him for yourself?"

"Okay that sounds great, but what about jazz, rose and Emmet, won't they be there?"

"Won't we be where?" Emmet asks as he sneaks up behind me and Ali and gives us a bear hug, I had to remind him that when he did that we couldn't breathe "sorry".

"at the Cullen's house today" I asked

"Actually, me and jasper are going to this audition, for this commercial, and Emmet is going to come with me to cheer me on, and we were going to ask Alice to come and afterwards we could double for dinner" As rose said this I knew that Alice was on board and of course anything Rose wanted Emmet to do was the law. Can you say whipped?

"I would love to be there for my man" Alice beamed, and then whispered to me " are you going to be okay talking to Edward yourself?"

"Of course I mean Edward and I are friends, we can talk about anything right?"

"Definitely…. Friends can do that." Alice said while winking at me, which was weird. The rest of lunch went like normal with gossip and Emmet making the funniest dares with Jasper. I think one of them involved Emmet sneaking into the girls locker room after school and see how long it took the gym teacher to notice that he wasn't a girl. i can't wait to see how this one turns out.

As the lunch bell rung we all got up to go to class, my next one was with Edward and I couldn't wait. Me and him were partners, in the Advanced Biology class (this one was worth like 5 college credits) I was happy to have Edward in this class because we helped each other study and get through it together. Now I know that Edward is like this Greek god and I am a mere ugly mortal compared to him, but knowing that we needed each other to get through this class and having him as a friend was enough, because who could say that they were friends with a god, or that god needed them? Also I could tell Edward that I was coming by after school to hang out, to double check that he would be there.

When I got to class Edward was already there so I walked to our table in the back.

"hey bells, whats up? How was lunch?" he asked

" hey back at you, and it was cool, but where did you disappear to?"

"Oh I had to catch up on some work so I went to the library"

"You should have told me, I could have helped and you could have still hung out with the group at lunch."

"Its not like they won't be at my house tonight, and thanks I will remember that bells"

"actually the rest of the gang are going to some audition that rose and Jasper have and then doubling for dinner…..so if you don't already have plans it will be just me…is that okay?" by this time everyone was filing in and class was beginning so Edward wrote a reply back. (**Edward. **Bella)

**Yea that's cool, I don't have anything planned and I don't have much due tomorrow so it will be nice having some company. What do you want to do tonight? Want to watch a movie?**

Cool that sounds fun, which one?

**How about that one that Emmet kept interrupting the last time? complaining that he was hungry or something the whole way through. I have to admit that I could follow along…..lol**

Sounds like a plan but I think that I will have to go out and rent it again, because I took it back to the video store the other day, it was collecting a heavy fine….lol

**Okay so how about I take you to my house after school and on the way we hit up the video store?**

Sounds great, especially because Alice was my ride and she's going after school with them all, so I didn't know what to do about a ride…..so I guess that this makes you my knight in shining armor, or should I say the knight with a shinny Volvo?

**Knight in a shinny armor sounds better…lol and good, now maybe we should pay attention in class before we either fail or get in trouble?**

Kays

The rest of class went as usual lecture, demo, lab assignment. It wasn't hard in fact it was easy, and me and Edward finished with only a minute to spare before the signal of the last class of the day, so we packed up and went our separate ways. He to music I think and I to gym. Why on earth did they have to make gym one of those classes that you had to have every year in order to graduate? I mean I have to be the world's clumsiest person alive and they make me take it? I hardly feel safe being in there let alone with other people. If I go a day without injuring myself and someone else I think that I would be dreaming about it. Luckily today we were getting a new sport to play, the girls were going to do gymnastics and dance for a month and the guys got to do football and wrestling. So today the teachers explained the rule, same as tomorrow and then on Monday, which would be the start of the third day, we would begin. After class I went to my locker and dumped my books and headed to Edwards car.

I went past the library on the way to the car, and saw a sight that I never expected to see, Edward in the middle of a serious lip lock with the new library student assistant, Tanya. We have been like enemies forever. We were oil and water, peanut butter and vinegar, just opposites. She never failed to let me know that I wasn't good enough to be in the group that I merely brought their popularity stats down. And he was kissing her, he knew all of this and he was kissing her. The love of my life and my biggest enemy. I felt like crying, so I ran to the car and tried pulling myself together. It was almost twenty minutes until Edward came out and I was recovered, well on the outside on the inside my heart was still breaking.

"sorry about that bells, I got a little….ummm caught up in something."

_Yea a sluts mouth, or maybe you just fell at her….haha yea right!_ " its okay Edward, I forgive you. How about the movie then"

"actually I have more work then i….thought that I would…..so can I just drive you home and take a rain check?"

_Let me guess you need another book checked out and miss I AM TOO GOOD FOR ANYTHING THAT I NEED TO FLUANT MYSELF TO SHOW IT is the only one who can help?_ " yea sure rain check Edward"

We rode in quite the rest of the way to my house, thankfully it was only ten minutes away so I don't think that he could sense my hurt. When we arrived I said thanks and got out of the Volvo. Edward speed away at a speed to dangerous to be going towards the opposite direction of his house…yea I bet he has work to do.


	3. Chapter 3

The last two weeks have been horrible. First the day after I saw Tanya and Edward and Tanya kissing he brought her over and introduced her as his girlfriend, and she's been sitting at our table. Everyone was getting along great, well except for me. But nobody seemed to notice. Then on the weekends they go and do like triple dates everyday and all day. Tanya got Alice and rose in this advanced dance class with her on the weekdays, and the boys now have baseball practice, so I am always alone. i do my homework and play my guitar (nobody knows that I play, or write my own songs. I never told them, it's the only thing in my life that I am good at and I feel beautiful while I play. Not to sound boastful but I don't really suck. I guess I never told anyone because, I never wanted to be told that I wasn't good enough for this either.)

Today I decided to ask the gang what was up. Why didn't they want me around anymore. I was going to do this at lunch being that Tanya finally had library duty again. I got my apple and was about to go to the table when a small but strong arm grabbed me.

"hey Bella, we are all going to the library to visit with T…..kays…love you byes" and with that alice was leaving

"wait!"she turned around and skipped back to me.

"yea what is it I am going to be late bells" Alice smiled at me

"what's going on, why are all of you dumping me for her…she has got to be one of the worst people in the world?"

"what do you mean? Tanya is amazing, and we didn't dump you!"

"really then how come a month ago you hated her like me, or how come I never see any of you anymore?"

"your seeing me right now Bella, and i just got to know her….she's nice I like her"

"what about me, don't you care that every chance she gets she rags on me? Even at lunch she's like what's with Bella, has the Tomboy fade not declared itself dead with her? Or making fun of me and how I read….. Huh how's that for nice?"

"really Bella, do we have to do this now?" Alice asked she doesn't like fighting, and I hate it when me and her fight because, she is like a sister. But I am losing her I know I am, and I need to fight for her, for my family.

" YES!!!!! For god's sake we do……why are you taking her side? I thought that we were sisters?"

"sisters please…Bella look at yourself you can't even begin to compare to Alice, and causing this scene because you aren't getting your way is so childish, maybe you should grow up and be a WOMAN…. And stop living in your fantasy world and leave them all alone." I never saw Tanya coming, so I was shocked when she said this. What shocked me more though was the fact that Alice was silent through it all, and Tanya pulled her way and they left. She walked out of the cafeteria with Alice. I could feel the water build up in my eyes and I started running towards the parking lot, when I heard someone yell my name….ALICE thank god maybe she and I are still sisters.

We ran towards each other and met in the middle of the parking lot.

"Bella…… " she began

"Alice thank god….for a second I thought that you agreed with her…. "

"I do…Bella, look maybe you need to grow up a little bit. I mean just because Tanya realized that your pity war with each other was childish and started dating Edward, you have been so different… and hard to reach. You think that everyone needs to be with you or against you…..none of us a ignoring you or dumping you….we just don't want any more drama….Tanya and Edward are together, and I am sorry I love you but you need to stop this war, if you want to hang out with us…..Edward is my brother, and I will always pick him…..i am sooo sorry, but think about it." With that she walked away from me, I was to shocked to say anything. At the same time I knew that this would happen. That Tanya would replace me. Now what was I going to do? I just lost my family.

I ran to my truck and drove home, while thinking about how I loved them all. But Alice made it clear that it was Tanya or me and Edward wanted Tanya. So that made the decision for the group. Now I needed to know what I was going to do without them the rest of junior and senior year next year. We were all the same age, so now what? I ran upstairs crying and locked myself in my room. I ran to my guitar and played. (behind the scenes by **Francesca Battistelli)**

_You may think  
I'm just fine  
How could anything  
Ever be out of line?_

I take my time  
To set the stage  
To make sure everything  
Is all in place

Even though I've got the lines rehearsed  
A picture only paints a thousand words

(Chorus)  
Things aren't always what they seem  
You're only seeing part of me  
There's more than you could ever know  
Behind the scenes  
I'm incomplete and I'm undone  
But I suppose like everyone  
There's so much more that's going on  
Behind the scenes

Sometimes I can't see  
Anything  
Through the dark  
Surrounding me  
And at times I'm unsure  
About the ground  
Beneath my feet  
If it's safe and sound

When it's hard to find hope in the unseen  
I have peace in knowing it will find me

(Chorus)

You may think I'm just fine  
How could anything ever be out of line?

(Chorus)

I was crying hard now, and I didn't even notice that my dad was there sitting in front of me.

"Bella honey, that was amazing but what is wrong? What happened today? I got a call from your school saying that you skipped out on your last two classes of the day? Why?" Charlie, my dad was calmly asking me clearly upset by my little scene.

"Oh dad I lost them all of them."

"who did you lose honey?"

" Alice, Edward everyone. …….they picked someone else to be their friend….someone who hates me and I don't know why I never did anything to her…….and because she hates me but she's going out with Edward they picked her…….now I have no one dad" I was bawling this out and I pitied Charlie for having to see me like this. Me and Charlie never got emotional, but we were close we never had to really fill the silence I loved that about him and I.

"awe Baby, I am sure that it can't be all that bad, honey." He was trying to comfort me but it was useless, I knew the truth. Charlie held me awhile but soon had to go back to work. He told me to try to calm down and maybe to call my mother and talk to her. You see Charlie and my mom, Renee, divorced when I was two and Charlie got to "keep" me. They were civil and sometimes friends on my behalf. I only saw her on holidays, being that she lives in Arizona. And after I he left I did, and we talked. I fell asleep crying, and being that the next day was Friday and I hadn't gotten much sleep because I kept having nightmare Charlie let me stay home.

In the next three days I barely ate, or slept, I knew that I was worrying Charlie and that he called my mom on a daily basis but I couldn't get out of my funk. I had to return to school that Monday. And the group never talked to me. Tanya's friends took all empty seats, Edward basically ignored me during class, he wrote down one day that until I gave up this feud with Tanya that we shouldn't speak. That was three weeks ago. Alice tried calling once, but only to say she was sorry for having to put everything bluntly, but she had to for her brother, and if I had a brother that I would understand. But I didn't have a brother, I didn't have anyone. I was losing weight and getting seriously depressed, when my savior came into the picture. Dressed in a white envelope, with the name of Arizona university written on the front, addressed to me.


	4. Chapter 4

APOV (sry but this chapter is gna be short but I am already working on the next)

I felt really bad about what we did to Bella, I mean yeah she dresses funny, but she is so pretty, from the inside out. I just always wanted to make her my own Barbie doll, that way everyone could see just how amazing Bella was. And I really do know that, and what Tanya (god I hate that girl)but was Esme and Charslie said, she was good for him. He seemed a little more mature in the past week, I know that he misses Bella but Tanya is so forward and with Edward being shy about progressing any relationship, she is good for him. Rose loves Tanya, she never understood why me and Edward messed with Bella. She never did care about fashion, she wasn't like rose at all, and rose is one of those hard to reach people, she can defend her family to the death, but until she considers you family, you are a threat, and Emmet, even though he loves Bella, he loves Rose more and so he sides with her.

AFTER Tanya came to our house last night, everyone was on their toes because of the war that Bella has had with her. That's when she did the unthinkable, she started crying (even though I was the only one who seemed to not believe those crocodile tears) she started babbling on about how she hated how our family disapproved of her, how much she really cared for Edward, and most of all how she hated this war she had between Bella. She said something like if it was up to her she would go back in time and stop all of the pain she caused Bella, but would take the pain that Bella had caused her because she deserved it. How she wished that she had a real family like we did, because she had none, her parents were always on business all the time, and her sisters, were away at college. So she had no family.

She went on for like an hour and was crying and by the end of it rose , ROSE of all people went up to her and hugged her, saying that she understood what it was like to feel as if she had no family, that she had jasper but that the feeling of a real family never came until she meet Emmet who introduced her to Esme and Charsile, his wonderful parents. Everyone grouped around her, even my Jasper (he told me later that she wanted peace and that he respected her for that, that's all Jasper ever wants is peace if he joins the army after high school in two years he wants to be in one of the specialist groups who go into a country to ask for and work for peace), I couldn't blame him after that. And Emmet followed rose, and I think that he wanted peace to, because he and rose were graduating this year and he wanted Bella to be safe, he didn't want Tanya messing with her without him there to protect her. Edward was glowing with pride for his girlfriend. I wanted to slap him right there, in fact I wanted to hurt all of them for believing this, crap. I think that everyone noticed my, well less then welcoming vibe and lectured me, ME for an hour about how great she was for Edward and how this would solve everything.

Finally after the TANYA BRAINWASHING I went to bed, but not before Tanya cornered me, she said that if I didn't stick with the family that she would get Edward to fall hard for her and then drop him, how she would blame it all on me, and how everyone who wanted peace in this family ( hinting at jasper) would be disappointed in me, and she would come in and COMFORT him/them. And how everyone would hate me, she said that as long as I played along she wouldn't hurt or dump on Bella, unless it was started first (she was always the one to start stuff, I knew Bella never would) and she would stop spreading rumors about Bella and how much happier Bella would be without friends who treated her like the charity cases we did. I sadly agreed to it, and when I went to sleep last night I cried for hours, because I saw for the first time how every single one of us treated Bella as if she was never enough for our group, and I realized that Bella deserved better friends, she was so amazing that she could make new friends easily. And I realized that Edward was becoming more adult like, and everyone else seemed to like Tanya so I would try too.

The next day at school when the …..well the event in the cafeteria happened I tried to explain to Bella everything, but she ran so fast that I couldn't catch her. When I turned around I must have had that fight face on, as I walked into the library.

"Tanya, get you trashy ass over here you ignorant, selfish home wrecker!!!" I screamed as tears were rolling down my face. Everyone looked at me and I was never happier to know that the teacher was in lunch so I wouldn't get in trouble.

" Alice…" everyone asked me what was wrong

"I think that me and Alice need to work out a little misunderstanding" Tanya said with a wink "don't worry everything is fine" _fine she just made my best friend cry and even worse was made me betray her in the worst way, I thought that Bella could still be in the group, she just had to accept that Tanya was with Edward.( Alice _Tanya)

We walked over to the one corner and I started on her asking why, why did she do that to Bella why did she have to hurt her, she was my best friend no my sister that I never had, why?

"easy she called me a bitch, no one does that, besides I hate her and as long as I am family then guess what honey she won't be."

_"what do you mean Bella had been family for years, she is my sister, Edward's best or at least one of his closest friends, and a second daughter to my mom and dad. Not to mention that she is like another _sister_ to Jasper and Emmet. Why?_

_"_BECAUSE she is so in love with Edward, and that's all that I care about, and if she came in-between me and him, I would never allow it, and how close she is to you guys is a threat to me, if Edward ever wandered to her, you guys would be so excited and I would be out. And I WILL NOT LOSE TO A DOG LIKE Bella SWAN, DO YOU HEAR ME!" Tanya was panting this and I was so shocked how had I missed that Bella was in love with Edward? Looking back now I can see it clear as day, but she never admitted it, not even to me. And that hurt, maybe she didn't find me like that sister I found her to be, or maybe she just didn't want to say it.

"Now that you are silent remember my little…..ummmm promise, you disrupt the new peace and I will steal everything that you love, I promise." Tanya spat at me and then went over to the group who said that we were fighting because Bella had caused a fight and I missed the beginning and only walked into he end when Tanya was sticking up for herself, and how we made up, and how she wished that Bella would get over her hate, and move on. (yea right)

Next day was the weekend and I tried to call Bella but her dad was home every time (which was wired he was usually never there) and said that Bella was to busy. I decided that on Monday I would talk to her, and tell her how sorry I was, and beg for her friendship and that I was sorry if I never showed her how amazing she was and how much I wished that I never made her feel unworthy. I loved Bella like a sister, I needed my sister, not this wolf dressed up in cheerleader clothing, that was Tanya. But on Monday Bella never showed, in fact she never showed the rest of the week, and on Friday I saw her in the hall, but she was dressed in black and looked as if she had been crying, and that was when the rumors started, about how she moved, how someone died in her family, and how I was never going to see her again.

Everyone in the group looked depressed, even rose, who came over and cried about how we mistreated Bella, and everyone did. But Tanya never showed an emotion, and then one night Tanya said how she was glad that Bella was gone. When everyone stared at her angrily I thought that finally we would be rid of the wicked witch of the west, but then she said the thing she told Bella in the cafeteria but changed it to Bella saying that to her, and added how she hated everyone of the Cullen's and Hale's who are so self absorbed in their lives that we were the most shallow and vain, and arrogant people on earth, and how she hoped that we would fall from the pedestals we all put ourselves on and see the world for the first time.

Everyone was so upset that they didn't talk about Bella again, or how they wondered what happened to her, and how much they missed her. That was everyone but me, I knew that truth but with a con-artist like Tanya around, I could never be believed. So I cried, for the loss of my best friend and sister.

**Sorry I guess that this was longer then I thought, let me know what you think PLEASE, and I promise I am working on the next part, the reason for why Bella left, and about the question is she gna be stronger or weaker?**


	5. Chapter 5

**I want to say that I am sooo sorry and embrassed that I misspelled **Carlisle's **name please forgive me and keep reading. Oh this is going to be long, so get comfy kay…..**

It came at me all at once, the letter to the university of Arizona, it offered me a full ride to college starting in January, my grade were so good in high school, (even though I never told my parents I got a test taken in Arizona when I went to see my mom for the summer, and it turns out that I could test right out of high school) it said how they wanted me, and I always wanted to go there. They had an amazing music and literature department there. I want to write to a newspaper or maybe right a new classic. I also wanted to write and sing my own songs. I knew that Charlie would be sad if I left, but with them offering a full ride, and with all my college money left from my grandma swan I could get my own apartment, since my mom just remarried this guy named Phil, they needed alone time. I love my dad, but I need a change, I realized that I never really discovered who I was because I was always scared that I would lose my friends if I was someone that they didn't like, well to late. I wanted this and I would come home on every break, my mom would be close enough for me to see on the weekends and such. The more I thought about it the more that I loved it, but then I thought of something, I had filled out the application but I never sent it in. Who had done this? (Charlie _Bella_)

"Bella? Where are you sweetie?" my dad called from down stairs and I guess that I was still trying to figure out if I had really went in the application or not when he knocked on my door, I never had time to hide the offer letter and envelope. I guess that my dad was so concerned as to why I was in a state of shock that he read it and when he looked up at me instead of the anger that I thought that he would have, or the abandonment issue that I would have to sooth, he pulled me into a hug and when he pulled back tears were in his eyes but he was smiling so big that I couldn't help but still be in shock.

"Bella I am so proud of you I knew that you would make it in, I had no question when I read you application letter and found out about the test, and was mad at first that you wanted to leave early, but then I figured out how great this would be for your future. But a full scholarship honey, that's amazing, and you could live off campus, I knew that when I sent your application, that…"

"_Wait you sent it in?"_

"Yeah honey I did, and let me tell you that I will miss you, but with all the vacation time I have I can come down, once or twice a semester, and every break you are coming home, do you hear me young lady?"

"_Daddy, why aren't you mad at me for not telling you?"_ I asked, usually my dad was mad if I went to the mall for a book and didn't tell him, even if I was home before him, and here I snuck out and got a test so I could go to college two years early and he was happy?

"awe honey doll, I love you so much that when I saw that application and called that number and heard you test score I was impressed. I realized that this was your dream, and I would never stand in the way of your dreams honey, I love you. My father did that to me and I would never do that to you."

"_wait pap did this to you? About being a cop? Why, when how?" _pap had always told me how proud he was of my dad and how much he loved him.

"well, when I was eighteen I joined the army, and went through basic training, I then went onto the reserves, I realized how much I loved, well order. And I joined the police department, grandpa swan always saw me as an authority figure, but a cop wasn't…..well high enough for him, so we fought a lot. He wanted me to stick to the army. But I never wanted that as a career and I started climbing in the ranks, but as I did, a drift started with you grandpa and me. During this time I had met your mother and you know the story, about a year after marriage I was in the middle of this man hunt from Canada, who the FBI had thought crossed the broader and was near Washington, and near forks. So I went to help them find him before anyone I knew got hurt. Luckily after a week me and three other cops found him, but there was a shout out, we had won but the other men in the middle of the shooting were shot and passed out, then I was shot, I couldn't let him escape so somehow I found some new strength and kept awake and alert for ten more minutes, I shot the guy in his shooting arm and in the foot, when he fell the backup came. We were all rushed to the hospital. And I woke up to days later, when I woke up everyone smothered me, but my dad kept to the corner. Finally after two days of your mother and her worrying……(he and I laughed at that, my mother was a good woman but would worry about a paper cut for days) he told me how sorry he was, and how proud he was of me, we cried, and he asked my forgiveness, I told him that I always would……we put that behind us, and 2 years later you were born."

I had never heard this story before and I realized what my dad was saying, he wanted me to follow my dreams, and he would always be there for me, I loved him more in that moment, then I have in all my life, he was a hero to me.

"_oh daddy, I love you and thank you, I don't know if I ever would have had the guts, and I promise every break I will be home, and will call everyday, and I will write you, since you don't have a computer…..and I love you" _I was crying and my dad was too. The nest few days passed with a blur, I called and accepted. I would have to be there in two weeks. Me and my dad called my mom, and in one day she found an apartment 10 miles from campus, and it was a two bedroom, full kitchen and bathroom, with a living room, a laundry room, and a garage space. I saw the pictures and I fell in love. I found out that I could paint the rooms, and when I told my mom that I wanted big bold colors in it, and wanted her to paint it, she was so thrilled that her and Phil said that they would paint it and get me the furniture. ( I tried to say that they didn't have to, but I learned for the first time that Phil was semi rich, and wanted to do this for his step daughter.) everyone was getting along. And I had my clothes packed, when my dad said to keep all the warm clothes here and that Renee was planning on a shopping spree to get me clothes for college and not to argue, and for once I didn't.

On Wednesday when I came home from the book store to get some reading material for the plane Saturday ( I still can't believe how my life was changing, I might have lost my friends, but I was gaining a new me, and second chance to make friends, but this time I vowed to try everything, and never have anyone influence me so much that I no longer would be me.) when I got home I was a dark blue 2000 honda accord in the drive way and when Charlie came out and handed me the keys I didn't no what was going on, and then when he told me that it was mine I couldn't believe it, I had my own car, I told him that I couldn't , and he told me that if I didn't take the car that he would stop me from going, I was so overcome with joy that I hugged him so hard that I knocked the wind out of him and we both fell to the ground. We were laughing and I told him thank you like a million times.

When we went inside I made dinner, I had been making dinner since I was ten and to tell you the truth I was pretty good. At night since Charlie was a sound sleeper and I was too excited to sleep I made like seven meals a night or more and froze them so he could have some edible food to eat. He now had twenty meals, from my nightly cooking. During supper cooking I would make five times the needed and freeze that too, and leave some for him for lunch so with that added in I had about thirty meals. I had two more nights so that should take him to sixty and I called Sue Clearwater and told her what I was doing, and after she gushed with pride ( I have known her since diapers) she said that once or twice I week she would cook extra and send it up to Charlie. Next was the hard call to make, I wanted to ask Esme some things, she was like a second mother to me growing up, and when my mother left she became even more like a mother to me. The phone rang and I was praying to god that she would answer, and not Edward or Alice, I would hang up if they did, I couldn't talk to them now. (esme _Bella_)

"hello, this is the Cullen's residence." Esme answered sweetly, and I thanked my lucky stars.

" _hello, esme this is Bella I was hoping that I could speak with you for a moment_?" I asked and prayed that Tanya had not turned her on me too.

"but of course sweetheart, you can…. If you want you can come over now. I know that you and the kids have been having a hard time, but they are gone for the day, they went to the movies just five minutes ago, and I don't expect them home for hours…..i would love the company."

" _I would love to Esme. Thank you so much I will be there in ten."_ I said, this would be easier in person and that way I could say good bye to her in person and not so impersonally over the phone.

" okay, drive safe….. I will be in the kitchen so just walk in honey."

"_okay bye"_ after I hung up I headed upstairs to get a couple of things and wrote Charlie a note about where I was and how dinner was already in the oven. I had already made it for today a made Grandma Swan's Beef stroganoff. I made like seven extra dishes of that, I knew that was Charlie's favorite. When I arrived at the Cullen's house I walked into the kitchen and saw Esme reading a magazine when she saw me she jumped up and gave me a hug, and told me how much she had missed me.

"I have missed you too, Esme. Now I want to get to the point of why I needed to talk to you if that is okay…. I had to gather all my strength for this and I don't think that you will let me back down now.."

"of course honey, what is it….are you and Charlie okay" she had so much concern for me that I was washed over with calmness, that was why Esme was such a great mother, she was always here for her kids, and when my mom left and I was crying she was the one who picked me up and soothed me. She has been my forks mother since that day.

"actually we are more then okay, I have some really great news to tell you, but I think that we should sit down for it" we pulled apart and she took a sip or her hot tea , but not before handing me my cup of hot chocolate that she knew that I loved. I smiled a thanks to her and went on." Well I guess to start I should let you read this paper here" and I handed her the letter from school telling me about how I was accepted early, about my application and how much it impressed them and about when I was leaving. Tears started to build in her eyes so I found some tissues to her.

" so you are leaving us Bella, you are going to college two years later, and I am guessing that you have to leave sometime soon, since you are to start in two weeks." She was crying a bit.

"yes, my mom found an apartment and is decorating it for me, and my dad bought me a car so I can get around down there, and we have been buying some other things here and there for my apartment. And I leave on Saturday." I said this and I started to cry too, I was realizing how much I was going to miss everyone.

" well then I have to say that I am so proud of you Bella and that me and Carlisle and the family will miss you very much… I feel as if I am losing a child…." And she hugged me again

"I know mom but I need this, and I will be home to see forks every break I get,"

"oh I know, your mother already told me this" I pulled back and looked at her, my mother had told her? When? Did the others know? As if sensing my questions as any good mother would she answered my unspoken questions. "well you mother called for decorating advise, since I not only know you very well, but also since I have help you both before in the past about designs, (Esme was one of the best designers and I was very thankfully now that my apartment would have her tastes as well as mine, since she knew me so well, in it.) and my children don't know what is going on, your mother told me a very different story then my kids, or Tanya did about the cafeteria and I will ask Alice about that, and if you don't want them to know, I will let you leave in peace, sweetheart." We were both crying now and I was handing her five envelopes. And this sparked her curiosity definitely where Alice gets it from.

"these are for Edward, Alice, Emmet, Jasper and Rose, and I hope that in about a month or two you will give them these. It explains what is going on about the move, and myself. How much I will miss them and how I hope that one day we can meet up and be friends again, how I am hurt and confused, but how if they want to savage our friendship to give me a call. And here are two more one for you and Carlisle. I really do love this family and I was and honored to have been considered a member, even if it was false or for so short of time." I was still crying when a pair of arms turned me around and I was looking at Carlisle and her hugged me so tightly, and told me how I was family, always have been and always will. Esme joined and about five minutes later, Esme and Carlisle pulled away and told me of course they would give them these, when I called them. And I told them on Sunday they could open theirs, I knew they would wait, o could trust them.

"There is one more thing I need to ask of you Esme" I started again, and Carlisle excused himself a moment.

"Of course sweet heart, anything." She was gushing

"Well you know that my dad is a horrible cook right? (She nodded her head and we both chuckled) well every night I have been cooking until I can sleep, and at dinner time I cook extra and I have been freezing them. And I already asked Mrs. Clearwater, and she said she can help out once or twice a week, but I was hoping that……"

"you were hoping that I would ask Charlie over or drop something off once in awhile as well, that way he doesn't starve huh?" she asked

"Yes, I was" I admitted

" of course I will twice maybe even three times a week, I know what he likes and I will gladly do that, I don't want him hurting himself now Bella, he is like a brother I never had, I would be glad to help him and to put your mind at ease so you can study and do what you need to sweet heart I would be happy to help." She smiled so lovingly that I hugged her and when we stop Carlisle was back and he was holding something behind his back, he told me to close my eyes and I did, when I opened them there was a huge box in front of me. I tried to politely refuse but my second parents wouldn't allow it. When I opened it up I was a brand new lap top with a skin that has of forks at winter to put on the cover to decorate it, there was a printer, and pictures that were framed of me and my family and them and their children and I. there was a new book bag, and at the bottom was a bracelet that said to our daughter with love, Esme and Carlisle. I was crying so much and so was Esme we held each other and Carlisle joined in. I knew that they could afford such extravagant gifts, but I was so surprised and touched, they told me they never wanted me to forget them, and when they came to Arizona for business in March they hoped that they could visit me and I told them yes. After another hour of goodbyes and crying I left to go home. I slept peacefully that night, until I got that call.


	6. Chapter 6

( hospital, _Bella_)

The phone rang and since I was the only one up to answer it I did, Charlie would never hear it since he fell asleep over three hours ago. I had snuck down stair and made vast amounts of chili, which would end up at least six dinners worth, and each one was enough for at least five people. I was now working on lasagna, I had the sauce done, and I was done layering the fourth dish, I only had three more to make up and Charlie would have at least fourteen more dishes to eat.

"_hello, swan residence this is Bella."_

"hello miss swan this is doctor Reynolds speaking from the St. Mercy Hospital in Bisbee Arizona, do you know a Mrs. Renee Stows, and a Mr. Phil Stows?" he asked this as my heart started pounding faster and faster.

" _Y-y-yes, Renee is my mother and Phil is my step father….. are they okay, what happened?" I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how wrong._

"Well Ms. Swan you mother and step-father were in a car accident this evening, a man who had just committed a robbery at a local grocery store had run into them as he was speeding away from the cops. (_My mind was running at a million miles per hour about them being dead, to them being crippled, to just playing a joke on me, my mom was always a little crazy.)_ When they got into the hospital it looked rather serious, but after four surgeries for your mother and another five for you step-father, their condition is stable, and both are ….well let's say that they are not out of the woods yet, but they are on the path that will lead them there. I understand that you are to be moving here in less than five days, and I do believe that it should be okay, for you to leave on Saturday. I will have Mona, one of your mother's co-workers, and a very nice nurse to pick you up and to bring you to the hospital. (_there answered the question on how he knew I was planning on moving to Arizona, I guess that mom had been bragging about me to them, since she is a nurse.)_ One thing that you should know Ms. Swan is that your mother is in much better condition than your Step-father. I hope that you have a ….well a peaceful next few days and I will call you once a day or you can reach me here at the hospital, and I would be more then glad to give you updates about their conditions. Good night Ms. Swan."

"_Good night Doctor Reynolds. And thank you for taking such good care of my mom and step dad. And thank you for the updates, I will see you Saturday, I hope. Good night" _

I was trying to cry silently as I finished the lasagna and put it in the huge freezer we had downstairs, but when I came upstairs I saw my dad, there with his arms open and as I cried into his chest, and I told him about Renee and Phil, we were both crying at the end, he told me that if he could get off work that he would go with me, but he couldn't. (He tried calling the station and even though they were deeply sorry, about not giving him this time off, they were short staffed since two of his officers had already had this weekend and next week off)

When Charlie went into work that day I was still crying badly, I couldn't believe that even though my mom and Phil were okay now, they still had a long way to go. I called the hospital and had gotten all of the information on their conditions explained to me, or at least told to me, I then drove to the hospital to find Carlisle. When I did he was shocked and a little rattled that this had happened. (Even though my mom and dad had split they were still close to Carlisle and Esme.)

"well Bella I am truly sorry about this, but as Dr. Reynolds told you over the phone their condition is definitely touch and go, the surgeries that they both had were to inflate their lungs, and to start both of their heart, this operation is called a bypass. Then your mother had surgery to take glass shards that were in her legs and arms out, and a blood transfusion with that. She also had to get half of one of her kidneys out, since a piece of glass had cut very deeply into her and had cut into her kidney. Phil had three other surgeries done, he had one to drain his lungs, one to his brain, which helped to relieve pressure that was building and to release those fluids, and the last one has a second heart surgery...after the bypass it looked like his heart was still working overtime and was about to give him a heart attack and with this surgery it slowed down the pace…. They are very lucky, Bella and Dr. Reynolds is a very good doctor, he will do as much as possible for them." Carlisle took time in explaining this all to me, and I understood their chances of survival were growing with each breath that they both took but it scared me to death, to think about losing either of them.

Phil was a very kind man who took care of my mother, he was funny, and he was always so nice to me when I would visit. He never acted like I was a reminder that my mother had been married before, and I was leftover baggage from a failed marriage. Instead he treated me like the daughter that he never had, and I respected him. He took me to all of the fun hang outs and introduced me around as his daughter, I did love him. Even though Charlie was my one and only father that I will ever have, Phil was just that crazy loveable Phil.

And Renee what could say about her, we were best friends we could talk about anything it didn't matter that she was my mother; she always took the rule of kid to me. She would always tell me to things, one that I was an old soul, and the second that I was an opened book. She knew how to read me and in turn I knew how to read her. I remember when I went down to Arizona two years ago for the summer and Phil and her had been dating for almost a year, he came to the house to pick her up like normal and as we were waiting he got down on one knee and asked my permission, MINE, to marry my mom. And then he pulled out this beautiful necklace that had been made by native Americans here in Arizona (it had three stones one it, the biggest in the middle and all three turquoise, and it had red clay beads going all the way up to the clasp) he handed it to me and asked me if gave permission for my mom if I would also give permission to be a daughter to him. That I didn't have to call him dad, but he would love the chance to have a daughter like me. I was so speechless, that he had though enough about me to want me as a daughter and to ask for my permission that I could only nod. He put the necklace on me and gave me a hug. Two weeks later they were engaged.

"Bella, are you okay? How are you and Charlie handing this honey?" Carlisle was kneeing by me and I realized how much I would really miss him and my family here in Forks.

"Well I am leaving in two days Carlisle, and a nurse there at the hospital is a friend of Renee's is going to give me a ride to the airport, Charlie was already planning on coming down in two weeks to visit. So unless anything changes, we are sticking to that plan. And we are holding up as well as to be expected. I guess." I said this with and shrug I didn't know what to say to him, here was my second father trying to comfort me and he had taken time to explain this all to me. But all too soon he was called to duty, we said our good byes and he told me that if I needed anything, about Renee and Phil or anything in Arizona to just call. And if I ever needed advise he knew who to call. With that we hugged one last time and he left. Shortly after I left and I went to town, to go and buy some things for school.

While I was walking outside through town I saw the gang, they were all laughing and talking. How I wished I could be one of them again, how I wished that my life even though it was half working out, it was also falling apart. The one person that I didn't see though was Alice, and I realized were she would be. She should be in dance class. I quickly wrote a note about what was going on with my mom and how I really needed my best friend right now, and like I had done a million times before I snuck into dance class, and found her duffle bag and put the note inside of the bad, and on top of her makeup. That way she would find it within twenty minutes of the end of class. I went home and made dinner, with extra, and waited. When Charlie came home two hours later I was still waiting and when he went to bed and I was cooking more meals and casseroles up, I was still waiting. I was just waiting when I called the hospital and found out that even though my mom was looking better Phil was taking a turn for the worse. After I had hung up, I was still waiting, and when I fell asleep alone and depressed, I was still waiting.


	7. Chapter 7

TPov

I saw her sneaking into class, and I knew what she was going to do. It was what she always did when she snuck into class; she was leaving a note for Alice. So I told the teacher that I needed water and went over and found the note. I could tell that little snob had been crying, good thing that she didn't wear that makeup that she really needed, because she would have destroyed the letter. It went on about an accident with her mom and Phil, blah blah, boo fricken who. She said how she really needed Alice and even if Alice hated her could she please call or come over so they could talk. She didn't care that the rest of the group hated her, or she did but she needed her best friend right now, she needed Alice. Can you say desperate? I mean really my god how pathetic can one person be, she doesn't want her as a friend and Bella is begging her to be her friend. Wow, that's all I can say right now, is wow.

So after I read this sappy letter I put in my bag and went back to class. That should stop any more attempts from Bella to get the Cullen's back on her side. I mean I have worked too hard and for too long to have Bella destroy my plan now.

I mean getting Edward to stop staring at Bella and to get him to notice me was, well not hard because look at me I am gorgeous, but anyone could tell that he had a crush on her. The way he would spend lunch sitting by her, laughing at every joke, catching her if she fell and then treating her like this doll that would break. The way he protected her from what people said about plain Jane Bella. When they would sit together in the park and talk for hours about something I would never know, staring up watching the sun set, and then counting the stars. He was in love, she never deserved him, I did. And I knew that if I had Edward as a boyfriend than I would definitely win prom queen for the tenth grade. We made a perfect couple, the handsome and sexy Edward Cullen and me the amazing, beautiful, and priceless Tanya. Who could beat us?

So I made the move I flirted, I flounced and I batted my eyes at him. He was under my spell. I acted like an innocent girl who never meant to hurt Bella, that I only ever said anything mean to her when I felt that she was going to attack me, emotionally. Then I gave him my sad story, during lunch on day about how negated I was by my mom and dad. Yea right my parents were rich and gave me everything I wanted, and just gave me money, they spoiled me and better yet they were never home so I could have as many parties that I wanted to have and I would never have to bother about asking permission from them. Heck if the house burnt down from one of my parties, they would just build a better one to live in. and then to top it all off I made up three siblings that I used to be soo close to when I was younger, but when they went to some fancy boarding school they starting drifting from me. And now that they are in college they want nothing to do with their nerd, young baby sister. I turned on the water works for him and he ate it all up. He started saying that he and his family would be mine. How he was so sorry and he never imagined that I had gone through that. I may have made up that when my dad was home, when he gets drunk that he would hit me and how I want a real family to love me. I think I may have even told him that I was scared when my dad would come home because last time he almost raped me and how I would never report it because it didn't happen and how I didn't plan on them being home for months yet. So I was safe.

He was so gullible and caring that I almost felt bad, but didn't after all this would insure that we were dating and then I would win my crown. I don't care that I was hurting him and his families' relationship with Bella. I needed her out of the picture, if anyone realized that Bella loved Edward as much as he loved her, I would be out of the picture and so would my crown be. So I made up a story how I wanted to fix things with Bella to Edward, and he convinced his family that was what I really wanted, and to treat me like I was someone that they never meet. So we could all start off with a clean slate. And they all agreed. What shocked me more was how rose hugged me, I mean she didn't even like Bella who was more of a family member and who would do anything for them all. I knew right there and then I was in, until I saw Alice. So I threatened her that I would sleep with jasper, and that being her parents had told everyone to give me a second chance if she didn't then I would make it look like she was out to get me and everyone would be mad. And I would, she knew this so after I said I wouldn't hurt Bella in anyway shape or form, she agreed. Good thing I had my fingers crossed…..

**Sorry about the short chapter but I thought that we needed to see tanya's point of view. Even though she was a nice person in the book, she just seems like the type to hurt Bella now. I want to say that I do not own twilight or the characters. And I want to say thanks for reviewing, everytime I get reviews I get inspired, so thanks…..and keep reviewing, tell me what you want to read and if you have ideas….thank you all…..bye for now **


	8. Chapter 8

Today I decided to go into school, it was Friday and I would be leaving tomorrow at about seven in the morning. The school had told me that they would be able to just send my transcripts from this semester to my new school. But in a way I wanted to see them, and I wanted to walk around school for the last time. Rome the familiar halls of my childhood, who knows maybe I would be empowered and actually be able to tell the Cullen kids and Tanya off. I mean come on I was bawling all night last night when Alice hadn't called me, I mean see never said that she didn't want to be friends with me. Only that apparently I had to grow up, well look whose grown up now. And Tanya oh god if I could flip out on her and hurt her that would be amazing. But somehow even though a huge part of me wanted to flip out on all of them for hurting me so bad, I knew that a scene wouldn't help. I would see how everything goes today and then I will act according to it, I mean I very well couldn't search all of them down just to fight right?

Today I had to wear black, I had on a pair of black skinny jeans, and a blue tank top with a black button up sweater over it. I don't know why I felt like wearing it, but I did. As I was driving to school in my new car and parked in the student parking lot, all of my old classmates were staring at me, and then the whispers started. How I hate high school and the gossip that they love to share. As I was walking to the main office so I could see the principle I saw the gang standing by Edward's Volvo. That thing is so his baby, sometimes I felt jealous of that car, how pathetic am I that I was jealous of a car! Well to be fair he and I used to be very close, before Tanya. And we would hang out all the time and just talk, he has this crazy humor, and the way that he talks sometimes, you would swear that he was from a different time. That was always something that I loved about him, I loved classics so when he would talk about how guys should court girls, my knees would get weak. And when I saw him approaching me with this determined look on his face I did I quick glance at Tanya and she was……well not too happy let me tell you. So I waited for him to get to me, which surprised me because normally I would run away, and then trip and then he would help me up. But you know what I am tired of being the damsel in distress.

"Bella, hey!" Edward called to me as if I was going to play our usual game.

" hi, Edward" as I said this he flashed that crocked grin, I knew that was my grin, I loved it because that was the only thing about him that made him a little less than perfect, but it was still amazing.

"hi" he said again

"hi…..haven't we already made pleasantries Edward? Whats up?" I asked. I didn't want to hurt him, because well lets face it I love the guy, but I need to be strong for myself.

" I guess so…….. and nothing much I was just wondering where you have been, you haven't been in school all week….. I was worried…… I mean you have kinda been ignoring me and everybody for weeks." he smiled again (but not my smile), and I was almost lost but then I noticed that the rest of the gang, except for Alice I hadn't seen her when I came in, were here too.

"yea Bella we have so missed you. " Tanya gushed, and they rest agreed.

"Really you all have missed me?" I ask I was starting to get mad I mean they shoved me off and they had the nerve to say that I was the one avoiding them or something. It takes a lot to make me mad, and this did it.

"come on bellesy talk to us please?" Emmet begged, I had always seen him as a brother that I never had, and right now I felt as if I never knew him, or any of them for that matter.

"oh I will talk alright…. Listen here don't you dare any of you ( and I was glaring at Tanya, she looked really scared, maybe she thought that I would hit her, man that would be nice), it is you all who have been avoiding me, ditching me at lunch for the library, or having all of the seats filled so I could no longer sit with you. Or dumping any plans we had ( I glared at Edward there, he ditched me the day he started dating Tanya and we had plans to talk the next day and to go the playground and talk like we always did, and the gang was all supposed to go out that night that I had seen Tanya with them), and worse of all none of you called, if ANY of you missed me or thought something was up you would think that one of you would have called to make sure that I was okay. I mean you are like a family to me (rose flinched at this, maybe she never knew how much I loved all of them, even though I don't even know if any of them loved me now), and you chose what? To forget about me, like I can just be erased from you minds and memory. And then you all have the guts to say that I …..ME…..that I have been avoiding you. Ha that is the stupidest and the funniest thing I have heard in a long time." I was yelling at this point and we were gaining an audience but I didn't care.

"hey Bella clam down… come on stop yelling at us like we did something wrong." Edward said.

" I guess you are right you did not one thing wrong (and they all seemed to relax) you all DID ABSOLUTY EVERYTHING WRONG!!!!" I screamed this even louder.

" hey now come on Bella this isn't like you and if you want to settle this and to be friends, then you have to stop yelling at us" Edward was calm, but there was something in his eyes, that I couldn't process, but I was over this, yes I wanted it settled, but how could they turn this all on me? " I mean the stuff that you said to Tanya in the café, the other day, and now…who are you because I don't know this Bella."

"and what did I say to you?" I hissed this at Tanya and she shrunk back but then after seeing the audience that she had, I guess she decided that it was her turn to shine.

"oh you remember Bella… how could you forget? When I said that I was starting to think that the Cullen's could be my family and I was starting to think of Alice and Roses like my sisters, and that they made me feel as if I was as good as them, you told me word for word. Sisters please…Tanya look at yourself you can't even begin to compare to Alice, and causing this scene because you aren't getting your way is so childish, maybe you should grow up and be a WOMAN…. And stop living in your fantasy world and leave them all alone." She was Glaring at me and her eyes had told me that she thought that she had won.

"What!!! You said that to me Tanya…. (I turned on Edward then because watching Tanya was making me sick) and you know what Edward, if after everything we have been through if you believe her then I guess that we, or any of us were ever really friends, and you know what that HURTS. But I am done with this, with this school, with this life Edward, so what is here for me to savage then?" I demanded

" what! What do you mean that you don't think that we were ever friends Bella? And that your done with everything?" he asked and the look in his eyes were so sad that I just wanted to stop everything and hug him, but I couldn't I had to stay strong.

"if you guys believe that tramp (I pointed to Tanya and she jumped back, and not me someone that you have had a million heart to hearts with, someone who has been there, up until recently through all of the good times and the bad times. Someone who has gone out for ice cream for rose at one in the morning when rose had cramps, or who would play pranks with Emmet, or shop with Alice, or read and discuss history with Jasper, and everything that you and I have been thorough Edward. If you all believe her over me then we were never as close as I thought that we were. And that hurt Edward, I loved you all as if we were one big family, and you all left ME in the dust. Well now I am leaving you all, I am transferring to a college down in Arizona, on a full scholarship, and graduating early. I am going to take care of my mom and phil until they are out of the hospital, because they were in an accident. And guess what when all of this was happening and I needed my family the most, none of you were there. You were with this tramp, which she is going to hurt all of you after she gets want she wants, and I mightn't know what she wants, but she does want something. So have a good life all of you, because I am done!" I stormed off, when everybody's mouths were wide open I went into the office, got my transcripts and stood outside the door for the last time. I saw Alice there, she looked like she might approach, but I didn't want any more drama, so I left.

I went home that day and cried, I promised myself that it would be that last time that I would cry over them. I promised that for now on I would stand up for myself like I had today in the school parking lot. I promised that I would try everything in college, at least legal wise. So I could find out who I really was, because even though I am seventeen I still had no idea of who I was as a person. I knew that I loved to play and write music, I loved to sing, I liked to cook, and that I wanted to be some kind of writer. But other than that what did I love. I never tried dancing, singing, or sports in public because of my nerves, and they fact that I was very clumsy. So I promised myself that I would try everything, and not hold anything back. That I would fight for what I wanted and for what was mine. I wouldn't become like Tanya though and step on anything it took to get it. I would stay sweet and nice, and I wanted everyone to love me. That's my goal, that's going to be the new Bella. As I was thinking about everything I decided to get out my guitar was able to have in with me now and then tomorrow when I left I would pay the extra fifty dollars for it to go with my luggage. I started strumming and the notes and words just came to me.

(I am letting go by Francesca Battistelli)

My heart beats, standing on the edge  
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat  
There's no turning back

Chorus  
I'm letting go  
Of the life I planned for me  
And my dreams  
Losing control  
Of my destiny  
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe  
So I'm letting go

This is a giant leap of faith  
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown  
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus  
I'm letting go  
Of the life I planned for me  
And my dreams  
Losing control  
Of my destiny  
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe  
So I'm letting go

Giving in to your gravity  
Knowing You are holding me  
I'm not afraid

Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe  
Feels like I'm falling and this is the life for me

When I was done playing I wrote down the lyrics and the notes, then I went downstairs and made supper. Me and Charlie had a great last night together we joked, and talked about everything that was serious. He told me over and over again just how proud he was of me and how much that he couldn't wait for this month to be over so he could visit. We got a call that my mom was out of the woods and somehow so was Phil. That if they kept recovering this quickly that they would be up and going in a week. That they would have to take things slow, but that was to be expected. I was so relieved, and so was Charlie. When I showed him our fridge downstairs I think that he was speechless because all that he could do was hug me, but hey I couldn't let my dad starve right? I also told him how Sue Clearwater and Esme both said that they would bring him meals every once in awhile. Soon we both went to bed, it seemed like a dream that I was leaving tomorrow, but when my alarm went off and I had to get up, and when I hugged Charlie goodbye, and got on that plane. My dream was reality.


	9. Chapter 9

When I landed in Arizona the first thing that I did was go to the hospital to see my mom and Phil. When I got there Dr. Reynolds told me that both were getting much better, he told about some of the difficulties that they would ensue when they got home, but luckily most of them only applied to how they would get around and the food that they would have to eat. I made a mental note to go shopping and buy all of the right foods for them, and I thanks the heavens that they had a split level house, so getting around wouldn't be that difficult for them. I was also surprised that they were in the same room, Phil was still asleep when I walked into the room but my mom was awake and smiling as I got in.

"Hi mom, how are you doing?" I asked wondering if she would be too sore for me to hug right now, and as if reading me as the open book that she insisted I was, she told me that I better get my but over there and hug her, before I made her get up to hug me.

"Oh Honey I have missed you so much, I love you honey." My mom said as I was hugging her." So tell me everything, I know that you told me about how those kids hurt you but after my accident I haven't heard a thing….now spill"

"well….. I went to school yesterday, and I saw them by Edwards Volvo, and he approached me…." I went on to tell her about everything, how they twisted it so I was the one ignoring them, how Tanya had made me look like the pity one who said those hurtful words, and how I finally stood up for myself. I told her how I was going to miss them, but how I had also made a vow that I would never let anyone step over me again, and how I would no longer be a damsel in distress. I was crying at the end of my little rant/musings.

Smiling she took my hands in her own "I am so proud of you honey, I always wished that one day that you would see yourself for who you really are, you are a beautiful, wonderful, smart and sweet girl. and look at where it has gotten you honey, you graduated high school a year and a half early, you are starting college, where you are going to fulfill your dreams I know that you are. You have a talent for singing and writing and it will take you far, I know that it will. My only wish is that even though you are going to look all grown up to the outside world, and to me, that you let me and Phil treat you like our little girl again. When I get released tomorrow, let me take you shopping. Your forks clothes will not help you here, let me and Phil give you a new look for this new you. I wasn't to be more apart of your life honey…please" both of us had tears in our eyes and all I could do is hug her and nod a yes.

"it is good to have you home Bella and your mother is right, we BOTH want to treat you as our daughter." Both Renee and I jumped we hadn't realized that Phil had waken up. But I have to say hearing that Phil wanted me as a daughter made me smile. He would never take the place of my dad back at home and Carlisle was definitely second. But maybe I didn't have to say dad one, two and three. Maybe I could love them all and they could all love me. So I ran over and hugged him

"I would love that, but I already thought that I was your daughter" and I showed him that I was wearing the necklace that he had given me. He squeezed me a little a little tighter. After that we all talked like a little family. They told me that earlier before I had arrived that they both were taken down to see how they could walk, Phil needed a cane, but with physical threrpy he would be up and running in a week or two. My mom on the other hand could walk just fine. I was so happy to hear this. My mom told me that they were going to be discharged and since Phil had been out from work for a week, he had to go to work, so she told me that she wanted to stop by the school and see what books I would need. Luckily I was in time to start the winter semester, they only started back at the end of January and I even though that meant tomorrow, my soon to be professors told me with everything going on that they would mail me the supplies for class and in two weeks I could start. I was also told that on Monday I would be given a tour from one of the students, and my mom agreed to let me go alone.

After the trip to school I would go to my apartment, which was finished to my surprise, apparently while Renee and Phil were in the hospital their friends help to finish it. Note to self buy and write out thank you cards. After looking at my apartment we would get lunch and then shop for a new look, and some little things here and there for school. I was so excited, usually I hated shopping and being told that my look wasn't good enough. But as my mom had said if you change the inside the outside should resemble it.

"but honey I don't want you changing yourself completely I want you to still be the sweet and caring person that you are now, but I do agree with you that you need to take care of yourself and not let anyone step on you. You are too special that anyone should take that for granted. And I am so sorry that your friends in forks couldn't see just how wonderful person for that, promise me honey." My mom said this with so much emotion that I nearly cried again.

"I promise mom, I really do." I left shortly after that to go to my mom's house, I slept in the extra room that she had. It was weird being here without them, it was weird being here in the middle of the school year. I had the biggest urge to call Alice and tell her about everything, but I fought it. I didn't feel like talking to anyone from forks. But I did call my dad, I told him how mom and Phil were getting out of the hospital tomorrow, about the plans I had for the next couple of days, and he seemed happy. We talked for a half of an hour and he told me how Alice had stopped by, to figure out what was really going on. He told me that when she realized that I was really gone, that she looked as if she was going to cry. When me and Charlie hung up I noticed that the message machine was blinking so being nosey I hit the play button.

"ISABELLA SWAN! How dare you move to a different state and not tell me. Do you know how shocked I was when Edward told me at school what you said, first off he couldn't believe that you thought that we were the ones ditching you. And when you said that Tanya had said what she did, he cornered me and I told him the truth, and then we realized that Tanya had always been the one who said that she called you or asked you to join us, but we are guessing that she didn't huh? Bella I know that we hurt you, but I am so sorry and I hope that whatever that you are looking for out there, that you find it. And I pray that one day you can forgive us all. I love you Bella, I am so sorry we all are. But you have to understand we didn't know!" the answering machine cut her off then, and I couldn't believe it, part of me wanted to forgive her but the bigger part of me wanted to ignore it.

I mean how couldn't she know, for starters she was right there when Tanya was chewing me out, and to believe that Tanya would put aside her feeling for the good of anybody else and invite me along was as if saying that the wicked witch of the west would invite Dorothy over for tea because that is what the monkeys wanted. I was hurt by what Alice said, and I know that one day I will have to face them again when I go and visit Charlie, but I could try to avoid them right? I mean I know that Forks is a small town but still.

On the answering machine I was had three prank messages, they were all the same the person would call and wait for the answering machine to pick up and then hang up, I couldn't take anymore immaturity, so I got an apple out of the fridge ate it and then got ready for bed. Although it was ten at night I was still wide awake so I got up and got my guitar, and started strumming.

(I'm Like A Bird by Nelly Furtado)

You're beautiful, that's for sure  
You'll never ever fade  
You're lovely but it's not for sure  
That I won't ever change  
And though my love is rare  
Though my love is true

Chorus:  
I'm like a bird, I only fly away  
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is  
(and baby all I need for you to know is)  
I'm like a bird, I only fly away  
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is  
All I need for you to know is

Your faith in me brings me to tears  
Even after all these years  
And it pains me so much to tell  
That you don't know me that well  
And though my love is rare  
Though my love is true

Chorus

It's not that I wanna say goodbye  
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me  
Each and every single day I know  
I'm going to have to eventually give you away  
And though my love is rare  
And though my love is true  
Hey I'm just scared  
That we may fall through

Chorus x 3

**Okay now I need your guys help I have four ideas on this story and since I am writing for you guys I want to know what you want to read. So please let me know soon so I can keep writing.**

**After the college tour with the Mystery student (wink wink) Should:**

**I continue there and show how Bella is going to fit in and her troubles that she could face.**

**Start from when she goes home during spring break and do like a recap kinda thing.**

**Should I do a edpov:**

**As the one of the next three chapters**

**Should I do one when Bella comes home on spring break and they see the change. ( this would be the first edpov. And I might do one here even if number one is chosen)**

**Thanks for your reviews and your opinions…..**


	10. Chapter 10

**You asked for it will here it is a look into the head of Edward…..and some others lol, let me know what you think….thanks for reading and thank you for reviewing, please keep it up.**

**epov**

Gone she was leaving, I couldn't believe it. The girl that I have always thought of as part of the family was leaving and I couldn't shake that it was all of our faults. We had pushed her away, I still don't know if Tanya was lying, but I did know that Bella didn't, I mean that girl is so wonderful that it is impossible for her to lie; she starts to ramble, and blush. It really is cute, when she blushes. So part of me wished that she was lying, that way I could see that amazing blush on her cheeks. But I also wanted her to lie because then I wouldn't feel so empty and guilty at the same time.

I have known Bella since well, basically forever. When we were growing up she was my sister's best friend and a sister to me and the rest of the family. In middle school I remember going to one of Newton's birthday party. All the kids went down to the basement and were having a good time when everybody all of a sudden wanted to play spin the bottle mixed with seven minutes in heaven. It was like who ever your bottle lands on that is who you go into the closet with. Alice and Japer kissed, mike kissed Jessica Stanley, and I got to kiss Bella. We were in the closet, we both leaned in and when our lips touched, it was like magic sparking into my body, and just when we were about to get closer, the door opened, and there stood two very angry looking newton parents. Ever since that day I compare each kiss to that, never really feeling that spark f magic.

I almost told her how I felt, but truthfully I didn't know how I felt. Was it just because that was my first kiss that I felt the sparks or was it because of Bella? I didn't want to ruin our friendship either, we could talk about nothing and everything at the same time. Plus in my eyes I would never be good enough for her, she was beautiful, smart, funny, and maybe the most caring and kindest soul that I have ever met. Who was I to love her? If in fact that is what I felt.

But it doesn't matter now she's gone and the stuff that she said about Tanya wanting something, the only thing that she ever said that she wanted was a family, to love her. When she told me about her parents and siblings either hurting her or ignoring her, I couldn't help but to feel sorry for her. And maybe that is way she can be so mine and hurtful to others, because that is how she has been treated since she was younger. Since I started dating Tanya it is true that none of us has seen Bella as much as we should have, but she could have come over too right? Or did she feel like no one would want her around, or was she so threatened by Tanya's appearance in my and my families lives that she didn't feel comfortable to be with us?

And what was this whole thing that her mom and step dad were in a car accident. Why hadn't she told one of us? That way we could have been there with her to help her through it until she found out that they were okay? And were they okay? She was wearing all black, did that mean that one of them had died? Oh god I hope not, Bella is to attached to both of them to lose them now, and to be all alone then going to college, what would that do to her, what would going to college a year and a half early do to her? Would she change, would she ever forgive me and my family, but most of all will I ever see that beautiful face or hear the laugh ever again?

I tried calling Renee's house in Arizona like three or four times but every time I did I got the answering machine and I would clam up I mean what could I say? Sorry that I don't know who to believe right now, but give up college for now and come home to me and my family, we screwed up? Please that wouldn't work, she has already changed into someone who will not take crap and every idea I had to apologies was crap.

I think that the worst part of it was when she said that she didn't know if any of us were friends because we wouldn't believe her. And the bad thing is that I agree with her, when our friendships were tested, we failed her, without any explanation or even a chance. I lost my best friend forever, and it was all my fault.

**Tpov**

Yes I have finally gotten want I want, or at least almost, with Bella gone I don't have to worry about Edward or Bella telling each other how they really feel. And I can get that crown that belongs only to me. I can't believe that I can have them so convinced that they believe me over someone that they have known and loved forever. HAHA that just shows how gullible they are really are.

Another nice thing about this whole deal is that even though Edward isn't the ideal guy for me, I need a guy who is more aggressive, he isn't tragic at the same time, so at least to the school we are the perfect couple in looks. In everything else he's boring to me, he likes spending time with family, and friends of his. He likes to play and write music, but they are all classical type stuff….i mean can you say snooze fest? Hey hon for our date lets eat with my parents and then I will play my classical music on my piano for you, not the best date ever, but hey at least I didn't have to jump in the sack with the guy, since I will dump him a week after prom.

**Apov**

My best friend was gone and I was my fault, I helped Tanya turn everyone else against Bella, I made Tanya look like the good girl that she really wasn't. and I have lost my best friend because of it. What was I going to do? I love Bella, she is my sister, anytime I tried to make her over it was just so that everyone could see how amazing she was. Most people don't take the time to get to know a person if they are not interested in the outside first. God I am going to miss her in my life, I just hope that one day she will forgive me and my family for the way that we all treated her.

I just wish that she realized how much we all really do care about her, and love her. When Edward had told me what she said to him I was outraged that she moved away without even a goodbye to any of us, but then again none of us really deserve a proper goodbye. And it hurt that she was confused about if any of us had ever been friends if we could ditch her for Tanya in a heart beat, and she was right how could any of us do that to her? I would never forgive myself for making it easy for her to question the bond that our little family had. One day I will make her see that we were all just confused, stupid and blind. That is if I ever got the chance to talk to her I know that I could make her see it too, I just knew it.

But I will tell you one thing Tanya will not get away with this, Bella was right Tanya wants something and I will do whatever it takes to get rid of her and make sure that she doesn't get what she wants.

**Bpov**

The next few days were a complete blur after getting my books and meeting my professors I went to my apartment I was surprise at how mature it looked and yet so, colorful. Each of the rooms were painted a different color the kitchen was red and had pictures of different landmarks of Paris, like the Eiffel tower. The living room was a bright golden brown with different paintings on it and a medium sized tv in the corner, the couches were brow and very comfy with orange pillows on them and a red throw blanket the chairs matched the couch and so did the pillows. The laundry room had all the basics that I would need in it and my mom showed me a closet were she put extra sheets, blankets and towels. The garage already had my car which I shipped last night which surprised me how fast it got there. Nest I was that my mom had done with the extra bedroom. She put a pull out bed sofa thing in it and one wall was lined with book shelves that she placed my books on with some new books that she had bought me and all of my movies, and on the other side my desk and laptop were. Here too paintings hung, but these were of sky views from huge buildings over looking cities. My bathroom was blue and very cozy with a big shower. Then the best for last my bedroom, it was a plum color with white trimming and a queen sized bed, the head board was tall and cushioned. My bed and dressers were white, and my blankets were black. My closet was big and empty. That would be changed soon. And I had a view of the park from the window, I had a vanity that was white to put on makeup. It was amazing and I hugged my mom as hard was her healing body could handle.

After lunch we went shopping I bout tons of clothes. Jeans shorts, skirts, tanks, tee-shirts, dresses, vests, make up, perfumes, pj's, accessories, shoes, and even cute underwear. I had a great time shopping with my mom. But I could see that she was getting tired so we went home. I ate supper with them and went back to my apartment. it was stocked with food, and the dishes were this amazing green color, half of me hated them and the other half loved it. They reminded me of Edward's eyes. O went into my room where all of my boxes were and unpacked my new clothes and a little bit of the old that I brought with me. I unpacked my other knick nacks and set up my cd player in the library and my iPod home in my room. I hooked up the DVD play to the TV. And when I looked around I felt little at home, knowing that that people who loved me most had done this for me.

I called my dad and told him about my day, and then I called Esme praying that none of her children would pick it up. Luckily they didn't and I told thank you about a million times. We talked about how much better my mom was doing and so was Phil I told her about my tour on money, and I told her that I had hung all of the photo's se had given me. I kind of lied there. I hung the one up of me and my dad, my mom and I , of her and Carlisle and I, but her kids were still in the closet, I couldn't really look at them right now. We talked until it was time for family movie night and we said goodbye.

On Monday I dressed to impress. But at the same time I didn't want to seem like a nerd, so I chose a black skirt that ended a little more than half way down my thighs, a button up silky t-shirt that was a deep blue, a black suit vest that ended at my breasts, and a pearl necklace. I curled my hair; something that Alice had thought me how to do. And I did simple makeup, browns and natural colors, that made my feature show, but at the same time it wasn't obvious that I was wearing any makeup. I didn't bother with blush though; I did that enough that if I did, I would look like a tomato. I also got out one of those huge purses that my mom bought me it was the same color as my top and it would fit my little makeup bag, (which only had compact, chap stick, and perfume in it), my wallet, my schedule, my student id information, and everything else I needed. And to top it all off I had on black ballet flats.

When I got to campus I was in awe as I got out of my car, the campus was amazing, brick building and a student quad to sit on. I couldn't wait to be one of those students. I was busy looking in my bag looking for my information that when I had and looked up there stood this guy, no man who was just hot. I must have looked lost because next thing I knew I had a hand sticking out in front of me.

"Hi my name is Jess Richards, can I help you?" Jess was tall, dark and handsome, with blue eyes that could melt you, and he was toned he had on jeans that were torn here and there, that hung low almost dangerously low, and a black t-shirt that showed off his tone chest (and were those AB's of steel?), and a blue striped button up dress shirt that was opened. I looked down at my information page and found out that my guide's name was Jess Richards, also that way I could stop drooling.

"actually you can Jess ( he smirked when I said this) I believe that you are to be my tour guide for the day." He looked really happy about this, so I decided New Bella is going to be Brave. And with that thought I hooked my arm around his "so where do we start jess?"

"so I take it that you are Isabella Swan?" he smiled as if he was impressed and shocked at the same time.

"Actually I don't like being called Isabella, everytime I hear it I think that I am in some kind of trouble"

"well then I guess that I will have to make up a new name for you, how about I call you Izzy (I shook my head no), hmm soo are you going to make me guess? (again I shook my head although this time it was up and down), how about Bella? (I had to think about it, if I was a new me then way not have a new name to go with it?, so I shook my head no), how about B?"

"and why B?" I asked

"well Bella made you think, so I was guessing that you kind of liked it, and B is the first letter of Bella, and because you are breath taking." I knew that I must be blushing and I tried to hide it , when he said don't I like it when I can see my charm is working. HE HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH HIS CHARM WAS WORKING.

"okay then B it is, so Jess where do we start? I need the whole tour so I don't get too lost!" we laughed and started walking he pointed out all of the classes that I had, were I would like to sit in them, how the teachers acted and graded, he showed me where all of the cool spots were, and where the cafeteria was, but then warned me not to eat there and pointed out a small café was, that was where we were now.

"so B after lunch do you want to meet some of my friends, that way you know more people around campus?"

" I would love to, so jess what year are you in? and what major?"

"well I am a sophomore, and I am majoring in literature, I love to read the classics, and I love reading, so then after college I want to get a job at a publishing company and also write some of my own stuff."

"what so you like writing"

"anything, books, articles, poems, songs."

"you write songs too, I love writing songs, do you play any instruments?" I know that I interrupted but could you blame me, Mr. hot stuff over hear just said that he loved reading like me. How awesome is that, we were definitely hitting it off, and becoming quick friends, I could tell.

"Yes I do write songs, and I can't play any instrument, do you, play, and write, what do you write." He fired back.

"well I love writing songs and writing in general, that's why I am going to be a writer after college, and I play the guitar, but since I am minoring in music I really want to see if I can find somebody who will teach me how to play the piano." I was blushing again, because I felt as if I was boasting, but he ask didn't he?

"well I am sure that my friend James will be able to help you with that…. So what made you come to Arizona, I am sure with the grade that you have and the fact that you graduated early that you could have gotten into any college in america, why this one?"

"what you don't want me here?" (I tried acting hurt and when jess got flabbergasted a just giggled)" it's okay jess I know what you mean, I came he because they have all the classes I need, and other then that I have no idea what else made me choose this university. Maybe it was fate intervening." I mused

"maybe B, Maybe… so we talked about the green, rainy place called forks, and what you can expect from Arizona and your professors, we talked about what we both want to do, what else is there, hmmm how about give me ten facts about your life and I will give you ten facts about mine?" he suggested

"okay, let me think….. okay

I love music, anytime day or night I love listening to it, or writing it, I just love it.

I love my parents very much and I include my step father phil and my old best friends parents in there too.

My old friends and I used to call each other family, but then something happened and I don't know who they are to me anymore, and I don't know who I am to them either.

I love reading

My favorite book is writhing heights, and I read it almost three times a year.

I love any type of movie, I just have to be with friends and at home to watch scary ones.

I love my new apartment

I used to be called Bella-Boo when I was younger because I used to be really shy and nervous and if someone jumped out at me I would scream

I am nervous about meeting new people and fitting in

And I like to think of myself as a nice, smart girl, but I also want to be more out going,"

I couldn't believe that I was telling him all of this, but I was sure that we had some type of connection, be it romantic or platonic I still had to figure out, but I had all the time in the world to do that.

"your turn jess" I beamed at him

"okay, give me a minute to think about it…. Hmm okay I got it

I love writing, and I wan tot be a publisher one day.

I love living here in Arizona, my home used to be on the east coast in new York and it gets cold fast, so I love being here in the warmth.

I just realized that I love being a tour guide (I was blushing here)

I am addicted to coffee

I love just sitting outside and letting nature fill the air.

I love all of the activities I am in

I love my fraternity brothers, and the wild parties that we have, which I hope that you come to the next one. Even if you don't want to drink you would still have a great time I can guarantee it.

I love all of my friends from here and back home

I hope to do well this year in football auditions. Coach told me last year that I had a great chance of getting on starting lineup if I stay in shape. ( well I have to say that if jess wasn't in good shape , then i don't think even the pro's are)

And I also love to read the classics.

When he was done we were both smiling at each other and I was extremely happy we talked some more and even though I tried to stop him he paid for my half, which I told him fact number eleven I hate it when people spend money on me. And we laughed the whole way to his fraternity which I will admit I was shy about going in, but in the few hours that I had known jess I liked him already and I felt as if I could trust him. Me and his "brothers" got along great, some of them had joined a band and they let me play a couple of songs with them, they all looked really impressed with me, and asked if I didn't have any other plans to go to this club with them and listen to them and maybe play in? how could I say no? I also meet Ben the drummer's girlfriend Angela, and James the keyboardist/piano player's girlfriend Victoria. They both promised to be there so , at least I would know a lot of people.

The great thing was that even though there were year's between us all, they didn't treat me like this young, high school brat. And I loved it, and I was surprised that Angela and Victoria said that if it was cool since they Lived in the same apartment as I if they stopped down and we hung out tomorrow, I was so happy that I did I little dance and said oh yea. Everyone laughed. And I didn't apologize for my outburst. Soon after Jess walk and Angela walked me to my car since it was on the other side of campus and I went to my new home.

I realized a couple of things today about the new Bella:

She was brave

She was out there, she did what she wanted, crazy or not and didn't care what people thought.

She was really funny

She loved playing in a band

She had real friends.

I called my mom and then my dad and told them about everything that happened today, although I didn't tell my dad about the club, but my mom even though she said if things got out of hand to call her or Phil, she was excited for me. After I hung up I set my alarm for eight so I could get up and dressed for tomorrow. Then I went to my guitar which I put in my library, in the one empty corner and I had a cushion stool and played.

(sweet sliver lining by Kate voegele)

Im going home,  
down-hearted and hoping Im close,  
to some new beginning.  
I know,  
theres a reason for everything that comes and goes.

Chorus:  
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight  
but Im just surviving.  
And I may be weak but Im never defeated  
and Ill keep believing  
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.

Verse 2:  
Most days I try  
my best to put on a brave face  
but inside my bones are cold and my heart breaks  
but all the while, somethings keeping me safe and alive

Chorus:  
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight  
but Im just surviving.  
And I may be weak but Im never defeated  
and Ill keep believing  
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.

Bridge:  
I wont give up like this,  
I will be given strength,  
Now that Ive found it,  
Oh nothing can take that away

Chorus:  
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight  
but Im just surviving.  
And I may be weak but Im never defeated  
and Ill keep believing  
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.


	11. Chapter 11

"excuse me I am looking for Charlie Swan, I was told that he would be here" I asked the Mrs. Copper at the reception desk of the hospital, Charlie had called on my plane ride home saying that there was a shooting behind the local arcade in town, that I shouldn't worry he got hit, but it was just a grazing, but he was staying there until he found out if Enderson his deputy was going to be okay. I Got the message as soon as I stepped off the plane and rented a car, and drove straight here. I wanted to see what I could do.

"Room 219 Miss." Looks like Mrs. Copper didn't recognize me either, which is sad being that before I left I was a complete klutz and was rushed to the ER a number of times, always carried by…… NO I can't do this I can't think about him. I know that I still love him, and I probably always will, but things are different now, I am different now. I am in College, and he still has a year of high school to go through. And I have changed, I am no longer the girl in the corner who is too shy, to really tell anyone how I felt, I was awkward, and never liked to be in the spot light. I never let anyone really do anything for me, or spend too much money on me. I wasn't into fashion, and I never told anyone how much I loved writing and singing. I guess really no one ever really knew the real me. Sure the old gang knew a lot about me, I let my guard down with them and it turned around and bit me in the butt. At college though, I decided to throw away all of my insecurities, and to be me. Free spirited, untamed, smart, cute, and always there for anyone, I was still smart and studied, but as Jess said you can only be so smart, you have to live life inorder to really appreciated it. Jess helped me out of my funk, and made me feel beautiful, strong, and sexy I guess. He made me be the girl I always wanted to be, without having to give up the things I liked about old Bella. I don't think that I will ever be able to repay him, but through our friendship, we are both getting what we need. And that's a sense of family. Shortly after I moved to Arizona Phil was offered a job in the major leagues in baseball, so he and my mom moved to Florida. I missed them, but I would see them in a couple of weeks, my mom came and spent one weekend with me a month, I loved or girl nights only. We talked school, boys, and everything else. As I turned the corner I saw my dad he had his back turned and was talking to someone, but I inside the doorway, it was a different room then the nurse told me but I didn't care I had missed my dad.

"DADDY!" I screamed and he turned around and smiled at me, as I ran towards him to give him a hug. I didn't realize how much I had missed him, we talked two or three times a week, and I knew he was glad that I was happy, but we really missed each other. I half hugged and half tackled him.

"Bella, Bella, Bella I have missed you girl." and he hugged me right back, I heard a couple of gasps and it still had registered who it was until I let go of my dad and there were seven people staring at me, five of which I hadn't talked to since I left. And oh my god did Edward look amazing.

"Bella?" I heard Alice gasp, I guess I forgot to change since the airport, I was wearing jeans that hung a little lower, but still could see anything, they were faded with the knees cut out, and a black lacy tank top that stopped at my belly button with a zip up hockey hoodie that said "the HITTER" on it it was my friends from school and he said that Jason said that I had to have over spring break to remember him.(Jason was the hockey heart throb, he had long black hair, blue eyes, and a body that any girl would swoon over and even make Emmet think twice about hitting him. He was a bother and a great friend to me) the hoddie was a sliver gold color and had a red phoenix rising from ashes. I loved it even though it was like five sizes to big for me. I loved feeling like I was still at school, the rest of the gang had gone to New Mexico, and they said that they would make a new vacation spot there. I had called them and told them what was going on, but I got confused at the end of the call when Jason called over don't worry your not alone B! I guess he was drunk.

"Alice" I greeted back and then noticed that Esme was on the bed so I ran over to her right bed side which Carlisle was on. "what happened what's wrong with her Carlisle?"

"Well honey I was walking down the stairs with a lot of groceries and I fell, I am okay just some bruies and cuts, and a sprain wrist and ankle, but I will live, and now I am trying to convince him (she glared and pointed at Carlisle, which was funny because Esme never glares) to let me out of here." She said pouting

"I said that you could go, but I want the boys to set up the library downstairs as a room for you so that you can rest, you have to be off your feet for at least a week honey" Carlisle nodded to the boys but they didn't seem to notice, they were still staring at me, which was something I had expected.

"Honey I don't need you to baby me, just get me some crutches and I will be fine" her and Carlisle had a silent conversation and I looked away, I saw the boys they were talking about, Emmet, jasper and Edward. They were all very handsome men, Alice had claimed jasper and rose had claimed Emmet, they had been dating for years and were deeply in love I had always wished that me and…..no stop it you can't go back, if you do who knows what will happen to the knew you.

"fine, have it your way, but tonight it will have to be take out because you need at least one day and night off you feet, deal" Carlisle asked Esme who nodded her head in agreement. "okay then I will start the paper work for release." He turned to leave then stopped turned around and gave me a hug "nice to see you again Bella, we missed you" then he walked away.

"Bella I am going to say good bye to Enderson and then I have to go to the station and fill out some paper work, I will be home in an hour or two sweetheart." Dad said winking at me and walking away, it felt awkward being here, with them but when I looked at Esme I felt better.

"so Bella how are your classes, how did midterms go, I know that you said that you were nervous about them" Esme said this and then added to her children, "why don't you all go down and get the car for me, Alice stay here please and help me change into actual clothes and not these awful things" they nodded and left, although I might have imagined it but Edward looked as if he was being dragged by Emmet. "they miss you, Bella" Esme said to me again.

"Yea" I whispered " and midterms were great, I aced them all, Jess remembered a lot of the stuff so he helped me to review for it."

"that's great honey, so you and him are getting along then hmmm" she said this as if she was expecting me to fall for him, and I was a little bit, but I still couldn't forget Edward, and I wished that I could, but I guess its true you never forget your first love. I guess I was so wrapped up in thought that I didn't notice Alice there, and then she attacked me with hugs.

"oh Bella, I missed you so much, I wish, oh I wish that I never…..you know, left you…..I…I should have you know stopped her but I couldn't I mean Jazz," I couldn't understand her, but the one thing I got out of her babbling mess was that she hated how she treated me, during that time, and something about Jazz? I really didn't know.

Esme got up to change and told me to stay here that she wanted to talk and went into the bathroom, I know that she was trying to give me and Alice some space, and I had to say I was grateful, I missed Alice. She called my mom everyday and even though my mom wouldn't give her my number, Alice called just to make sure I was okay and happy, and to say sorry everyday. I guess she got confused when my mom told her I wasn't living there anymore, and not to call, because she was moving and in five days she would be living there anymore, that they had sold the house. I hadn't heard from Alice since then which was a month ago. Alice was still hugging me and crying, finally she calmed down a little so she could form whole sentences.

"Bella I am so sorry for everything, the way I treated you not only with Tanya but in general. I only ever wanted people to see you for how amazing you are, I love you like a sister and only ever wanted people to see you the way I did, loving, caring, kind, smart, and beautiful. And I know that I was always playing Bella Barbie, but I only wanted people to take the time that you deserved, and high school is so shallow, I am sorry if I ever made you think that you weren't an amazing person. And with the whole Tanya thing, I tried to defend you, but she did say that she wanted a family, that she was going to leave alone with the war you, and then she threatened to sleep with jazz, and I know he wouldn't do that to me, but she said that she would make your life hell, and I couldn't do that. Plus I figured that with me on the inside that I could get rid of her better then on the outside and then everyone would see how different you two were and miss you and we could ditch her. Plus mom and dad said that I had to give her the benefit of the doubt. But everything backfired when you left, and I lost my best friend no I lost my sister, I am so sorry Bella and I will understand if you never want to talk to me again, but I love you and I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, please Bella." She was pleading and I had missed my sister, when she explained things I understood her point, but I never would have guessed that she truly did think that I was beautiful, I still couldn't grasp that. I hugged her back as if on instinct.

"Alice i….. I Don't know where to go from here……. But I want to try, I missed you too" and I felt a tear slide down my check.

"Bella I will do anything, I will even throw out all my shoes and clothes for you."Now I knew she was serious.

"Don't get all over dramatic Alice, if you did that then what would you do?"

"Bella I am soo sorry, please say that you will try to forgive me, please I need my sister back, I know that you are in college, and that you aren't staying, but please try to forgive me, and we can try to work this out, update each other about our lives, and talk every day." She was giving me the puppy dog face and that always worked on me, but what really got me was how much I had missed her, and why hold a grudge, this didn't mean that I had forgiven everyone, in fact she was the only one who tried to talk to me, and she was the one who saw through Tanya and believed me, she was only obeying her family's wishes, and she I guess had a plan in which to destroy Tanya and help me. So how could I not forgive her?

"Okay Alice I will forgive you on a couple of conditions okay?" she nodded her head to get me to go on with my terms. "one: this doesn't mean that everyone else is off the hook, so no talking about me to them, you can't give them any of my contact information either, Two: you have to come visit me during my summer break, and then play Bella Barbie and Alice Barbie (she looked super happy about term two), Three: you can't push forgiving anyone on me, it has to be my decision, and right now I don't think that I can, Four: if there is something that I don't want to talk about, or do, you have to accept that as me, and like who I am. This means how I dress, my makeup, my friends, and my apartment. And Five: you have to be able to love me for who I am, not who you think I was, because I have changed for the good or bad I have and I am really happy with my life. Can you accept those conditions?" she looked as if she was happy and confused but then attacked me with more hugs.

"of course I will, to have my sister back in my life I would have agreed to wear hobo clothes to school for the rest of my life. Thank you Bella thank you."

"awe just what we wanted to see" I don't know how long Carlisle and Esme were standing there, but they were smiling at us, and laughing when me and Alice had jumped at the sound of Esme's voice. "I hate to interrupt the reunion, but we are leaving, and Alice if you are going to go out with you brother's and rose and Tanya (Oh my god Esme sneered or at least flinched at Tanya's name, I will have to ask Alice about that) then you have to go, and Bella come over and visit sometime, while your home this week?"

"Kay Mom" me and Alice said at the same time and we all laughed. I grabbed Alice's phone and typed in my Information Name B ( she looked at me wired) "its my new nick name, Jess gave it to me."

"why?" she questioned

" umm he said something about it beign the beginning letter to my name and it was short for breath taking or something" I blushed

"Jess?"

"Yea he's a really great guy, but I will tell you later, I don't want you being hounded by your family" I typed in my number, email, and addressed on her phone. And I had reminded her about the conditions. And we left, I felt great about not missing my sister, I mean Victoria and Angelia were like sisters, but there was a connection that me and Alice had that always pulled us together, and I was really happy, I don't like holding grudges, what's the use of them? She told me their plans for pizza at a new restaurant with a karaoke bar, and it sounded like fun, when I got home Charlie called and said that he would be back in the morning because he was going to take Enderson's brothers shift so that he could be there for his brother, I couldn't be mad, I understood. And then the door bell rang and when I open the door I was shocked.

" Bella, I thought that you would never come back here. I don't have time, so let me say this, stay away from the Cullen's, do you hear me otherwise your life will be over. I don't need you to mess things up, me and Edward are going strong, and his family I can deal with, so keep yourself and you ugliness and coward-ness away got it" and with that Tanya slammed the door shut and walked away. The nerve of this girl, then two seconds later the bell rang again, and if it was her I swear that she would get a piece or two of what I had to say. She never gave me a chance to say anything earlier. But again I got a surprise.

"B!" people screamed at me and looking out I saw James, Victoria, Laurent, Jason, Angelia, Ben, and of course jess. They all tackled me in hugs, and told me that they wanted to make Forks the new spring break spot and I couldn't believe that they sacrificed their spring break parting to chill with me. I was touched.

"So B who was that storming off, it looked like she was having a fight with you?" jess asked as he put his arm around me and led me outside to his car. I told everyone about Tanya and what she said, and I told them about Alice and 's talk earlier.

"I am so gonna hit that Tanya girl, where is she?" Victoria seethed.

"They went to some Karaoke bar that just opened." And with that we were all on our way, I made them promise not to make a big scene with Tanya or any of the Cullen's that I didn't want to have to deal with the drama and they all said that they would play it cool, and if the situation called for it then and only then would they do or say anything. And I was relieved, when we got to the bar we were able to sneak in the back and watch everyone. There were some people from high school that were nice but I never really talked to, and in the center were the Cullen's. they were all laughing and having a good time, except for Alice since Tanya was trying to talk to her about something that either she didn't want to talk about or because it was Tanya.

"Okay Ladies and Gentlemen it's time to get the party started and sing. Tonight we are going to have a singing competition and whoever wins gets a cash prize of two hundred dollars, so let the games begin!" I think that was Mr. Heckle doing the announcing I think that he owns the place too. And I have to say that it isn't so bad, its decked out with lights that hang from all of the posts in the ceiling, and has a tropical night kind of a décor. It was really nice and you could tell that it would be hard not to have a good time here. Rose and Alice got up to sing first, when Alice turned around and saw me she smiled and gave me a look like who are they and I want details, and then she waved. The rest of the gang turned around and looked at me, I guess once again they were shocked not only to see me here, but with my own little group, I think Emmet may have Jerked or flinched at Jason's size, but even though he was big and tough on the field he was one of the nicest people I have ever met. Rose looked at me and tried to smile, but soon there song was on and they started signing, they were pretty good, and I couldn't help but to smile and clap along, Alice could get you in the mood for anything, but the best part was that they were singing girlfriend by Averil somebody. It was great to say the least being that Alice was singing it to Edward, I couldn't stop laughing. When they were done Emmet and Jasper got up, and sang I am too sexy, it was great, especially when Emmet acted as if he was stripping, something told me that if Rose wasn't there he might have. Then a couple of kids from high school started to sing, they weren't that bad, but since they were having fun with it, so did the audience. Then Tanya got up and started singing, if you could call that singing!

She was in one would bad, no horrible, no tone dead (even though that's two words), all of a sudden Jess got up and turned off the music and rushed up to her.

"it's okay girl, stop tell us what hurts." Everyone including Tanya stared at him as if he was crazy, well except the people at our table.

"Excuse me I am NOT ch…….choking" she stuttered a bit maybe it was because he was gorgeous in dark wash jeans that hung dangerously low on his hips, and a black T-shirt that showed off all of his muscles. His hair styled and he looked hot.

"then what was that horrible sound coming from your throat?" he asked playing the ever innocent man that he isn't.

"You mean my singing, who DO you think that you are trying to insult me, I mean please." And she held up a hand trying to do whatever thing with the hand.

"I think that I am a person who wants to keep my ear drums, and with you singing right now I am really thinking about cutting them out, and then where would I be, I mean I might end up as tone deaf as you." Jess snapped back, and everyone was staring opened mouthed, I saw the cullen's smile a little bit, even Edward which surprised me, I mean isn't that his girlfriend.

"Excuse me!!!!" Tanya Shrieked and to tell you the truth, it was a lot better then her singing.

"Please you are excused and let me and my friends teach you a thing or two" with that he grabbed the microphone from her hands and walked over to us, and into the microphone declared the next dare. "okay here's the deal it's going to be guys against girls, and guys first, since I already have a the microphone and the losers will buy." He winked at me, and smirked, and I was dazzled. He maybe one of my closest friends, but he was hot. " do you accept the rules, and all of us and all of you have to sing."

I grabbed the microphone, stood up and yelled into it "bring it on pretty boy." And sat back down, the boys started their song.

Me And My Gang lyrics by rascal Flatts

Way on down to southern Alabama  
With the guitars jammin' that's where we're headed  
Straight up to Butte, Montana  
Singin' 'Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man'

California to Oregon  
Even New York City got one or two hillbillies  
Ready to hit the road

It's a brother and a sister kind of thang  
Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang

With me and my gang  
We live to ride  
We ride to live  
Me and my gang

Jump on that train  
Grab hold of them reins  
We're gonna rock this thang, cock this thang  
Me and my gang, yeah  
Me and my gang

We got hippies, gypsies, freaks and geeks  
High class women in Daisy Duke denim  
Bangin' on gongs and singin' our songs  
Dude named Elrod jammin' on an iPod

Beer and bonfires  
Wide open throttle, Coors in a bottle  
It's all for one and one for all y'all

It's a brother and a sister kind of thang  
Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang

With me and my gang  
We live to ride  
We ride to live  
Me and my gang

Jump on that train  
Grab hold of them reins  
We're gonna rock this thang, cock this thang  
Me and my gang, yeah

Na na, na na na na na, na na, na na na  
Na na, na na na na na  
Na na, na na na na na, na na, na na na

It's a brother and a sister kind of thang  
Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang

With me and my gang  
We live to ride  
We ride to live  
Me and my gang

Jump on that train  
Grab hold of them reins  
We're gonna rock this thang, cock this thang

Na na, na na na na na, na na, na na na  
Na na, na na na na na, na na, na na na  
Na na, na na na na na, na na, na na na  
Na na, na na na na na, na na, na na na

Yeah, with me and my gang  
Jump on that train, woo  
Grab hold of them reins, baby

The boys were really good, but we already knew all of that I mean we did have our own little band. But we weren't scared, not one bit. We had been discussing what song that we would sing and decied on to love somebody by Jordan sparks. With me singing lead, I had to admit that I was nervous I never sang infront of any of these people before, but hey this is the new me, and I am not going to be scared of doing something that I love to do.

"that was pretty good boys, but I think that just not enough to take the prize, baby." I said that part to jess and winked at him, "oh and Tanya, this is how a girl should sing" and the music started, my nerves stopped and I just went with the music.

**Lyrics to To Love Somebody** :  
Theres a light  
A certain kind of light  
That never shone on me  
I want my life to be lived with you  
Lived with you  
Theres a way everybody say  
To do each and every little thing  
But what does it bring  
If I aint got you, aint got ?  
You dont know what its like, baby  
You dont know what its like

To love somebody  
To love somebody  
To love somebody  
The way I love you

In my brain  
I see your face again  
I know my frame of mind  
You aint got to be so blind  
And Im blind, so very blind  
Im a man, cant you see  
What I am  
I live and breathe for you  
But what good does it do  
If I aint got you, aint got ?

When we stopped singing, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, everyone was staring at me and Jess had a huge grin on his face. I guess we know who won now huh? The Cullen's were staring at me when both Tanya and Alice came up to me.

"what the hell was that, where is the type recorder because there is no way that the ugly duckling over here could sing so well….. damn it where is it?" she was looking everywhere, and Alice pushed her out of the way.

"oh my god bella, how long have you known that you could sing like that? That was amazing" she screamed at me while smiling and hugging me. And I hugged her back tell her thanks. Then I walked past the Cullen table with everyone staring at me, and to Jess.

"So what are you going to buy me, cause there is no way that you and your gang beat us?" and we laughed, they boys paid "hey alice call me" I screamed gaining the eyes of everyone and doing a curtsey and I hooked my arms with Jess and we left. I don't think that I could have come up with a better, first day back.

**Please let me know what you all think, I love getting reviews, and I am so sorry about the long update, I have been seeing doctors everyday it seems, and after being there I was uninspired and I wanted to get Bella's Visit, esp the 1****st**** day right…..so please start reviewing, please**


	12. Chapter 12

12… sry for the update and how long it took, please review I want to know what you think and if you think that I should caryy on, I mean at least if its any good soooo please, with sugar ontop?

I have officially come to the understanding that I am very happy that the gang loves to sleep in and the fact that even though most colleges are on spring break that high school is still in session. These wonderful facts are my rock and guts to go seeing Esme at her house today. Its really weird though that since I was born and started hanging out with the Cullen's and the hales this place has een a second home for me, when my parents were divorcing I was always here, and they (mainly Edward though) would protect me from all of the yelling, when grandma died, I spent the night crying here with the Cullen's (mostly on Edward's shoulder), and when my mom left me and Charlie, it was the Cullen's house that I snuck out to every night and into Edwards room so that the nightmares wouldn't get me. And now here I am dreading going to this place? It just amazes me how one constant, safe house can change in a flash.

I really hate replaying my final weeks here, and I hate how alice was the only one who really ever tried to contact me, and to still be my friend. I know that a couple of my friends were disappointed that I forgave her so fast, but the way that I figure it is that she was my best friend growing up, and for the past three months I have been ignoring her, and I have had this huge knot in my stomach ever since, I can't remember the number of times that jess has walked in and saw me crying over this, I hate this feeling of being at war with some of my best friends since birth really. And when jess saw and realized how relived I was last night he made sure that the rest of them would keep their opinions to them selves. He always protects me jess does hes like my own personal body guard. And he makes me feel so safe, and cared for, that I don't think anything bad could happen to me as long as he is there. . well I guess that I should put this off any longer, I me Esme probably thinks that I have turned into this huge stocker I mean I have been sitting outside of her house in my car for the last fifteen minutes. Well here goes nothing.

"Bella!!!!" alice screamed and almost knocked me over when she hugged me, man I forgot just how strong alice is for someone so tiny she sure does pack a punch. Wait alice is here are the rest of them here too?

"no there not here, I got Esme to let me stay home today so that me and you can hang some while you visit, and don't worry after last night everyone was asking me for your number and I didn't give it to them, and no they really do think I am sick so there will be no sudden additions to our little party okay, so come inside now before we both really do get sick." Jeez I forgot how alice know like what is going to come in the future, it always freaked me out when I was younger but I got used to it. I guess I am going to have to get used to it all over again.

I we walked through the house I realized that very little had changed, and for once I was glad that it hadn't, usually I loved to come here and find something new and fresh, but now it was comforting that everything was the same, selfish but nice.

"Bella, come here sweet heart I have missed you so much." Esme called from the kitchen that we were just entering. She looked tired, but happy to see me and rushing over to see her I almost tripped. 'silly Bella just as clumsy as ever, I am glad that hasn't changed" she said eying my new look, even after her visit during this semester I don't think she realized how much that I have changed.

" only on rare occasions Esme, so how are you and that leg of yours doing?" I asked hugged her.

" oh I am doing good, Carlisle wont let me do a thing for myself, and I think that is why he didn't have a problem with alice faking sick to visit you, and to help me out today." Esme said but you could see it in her eyes that even though Carlisle was treating her special that she loved it just as much as she loved him.

" so ladies what are we going to do today, I don't get school days off very often and I feel like having some fun so…..whats on the agenda for today?" alice asked she looked so hopeful that I didn't want to crush her hopes but I was only planning on staying for 2 or 3 hours tops, I mean the gang had skipped there spring break just to be here with me, how could I ditch them.

" I mean while you're here Bella don't worry, so what's the plan?" alice said while hugging me I guess to either a sure me that when I left that she wouldn't be hurt or to make up for lost time, I don't know but hey who cares and I hugged her back.

"now if only I could see this with all of my children Bella, but don't worry I wont push it." Esme said with I sigh " I just hate seeing my children fight" and I smiled at that she still considered me as part of the family.

For the rest of the visit we just watched a chick flick, and talked about high school, apparently after I left there were rumors that I was pregnant and Edward, Emmet, and jasper all got into a fight with Tyler and mike who were spreading the rumors. And all of them got detention for a week, I think that my dad broke it up and talked to the principle amd got them out of getting into bigger trouble. Then they quickly talked about how everyone was hurt and sad that I left without saying a proper goodbye to them, and how Edward and Tanya have broken up, but for some reason she won't leave the group alone even though Edward has told her over and over again that it was over, but she won't take the hint. Even Esme has gotten annoyed with her, and that in itself is shocking because esme is the most understanding person in the world. In three weeks everyone is going to different colleges to see which one will fit them best and alice said that if it was okay with me that she would like to look at mine because they have a wonderful fashion program, and I told her that would be great, and that I could show her around. And we immediately went into planning it, or at least alice did. And then she and esme started with the questions about me college and boys, and I guess that when alice started talking about jess that I started my old habit of blushing.

"so are you two like going out Bella, or just good friends that are going to end up going out.?" Alice asked but I knew that even Esme was wondering this.

" well I don't really know, like when we are hanging out I fell……safe I guess and look at him he's gorgeous, but at the same time smart, funny and well a great guy, and sometimes I feel like it could be something more, and at other times, I just don't know whats going to happen. He can be so crazy and he always keeps us entertained whether its things to do when times are boring or if its because that guy can't stand still I don't know, but me and him, I just don't know and who knows that even if I did fell that way if things would work, let alone if he liked me that way." As I was saying this esme and alice exchanged this knowing look and alice got all happy, but I don't know why.

"a huh well I think you two would be …..cute" alice said, which was funny because when me and her were in high school, and she saw a guy for me she would say that we would be perfect together, or a match made in heaven. So it was wired.

Sadly time was up and I had to go and meet up with the gang, so I said goodbye and left, and I couldn't wait to see them again, but I was excited to go to my family, because after these past three months, they truly have become a family to me.

**Apov**

After Bella left I got dressed and went to school, there were only to more periods left so I knew that esme could be by herself, especially since I knew she would be napping for the next two hours, to day was only a half day, so when I got back she would more then lily still be sleeping. But I just had to talk to everyone, and get them and Bella all friends again, I just had a feeling that if it didn't happen soon, that it never would, too much time would pass. Emmet and jasper should be easy and Rosalie to an extent but Edward would be the biggest sale for Bella to forgive because after all, even if I hadn't seen it at the time Bella loved Edward and to have her heart broken like that, must have killed her, I don't know what I would do if that ever happened to me and jasper. I think I would just die. And something told me that part of Bella holding back with jess was that she still loved Edward, at least part of herself did. She changed a lot, but deep down and where it counts she is still the same old Bella. My first order of business though is to make sure that Tanya get's it through her thick badly dyed blond hair that none of us were ever friends and never would be, and that if she didn't leave us all alone that I would make sure that she would regret everything. She almost cost me my best friend once I wasn't going to let that happen again. As I got to school it was lunch time and everyone was surprised to see me, of course Tanya was setting with us, I had to put a stop to this.

" hey guys, Tanya what are you doing here?"

"well I am sitting with my fav fav people, of coarse."

"then go si with the other bleach blonde, girls with fake noses, and fake whatever else it is you all do, because none of us want to hang out with a manipulate desperate annoying tone deaf dumb blonde, who can't grasp that two plus two is four." I screamed at her and everyone just stared at me.

"excuse me what did you say?" she stood up, granted she is like a foot or so taller then me, and at that moment I cursed my lack of height.

"you heard her, we are all sick of being around you, I mean first you somehow brain wash all of us into thinking that we are all friends and that Bella is the source of all that is wrong, or something and you get us to ditch our best friend, possibly losing her forever, for what? Huh? Some freak like you who can't be happy unless she is hurting someone on the planet, that way she feels that much better about herself? Please that is so pathetic that I want to cry for you but you are such a…a bitch that I don't think I could even if I wanted too." Rosalie said or screamed this standing up behind me. She might be a blonde goddess who should be a model, but she can fight, something she learned to do long ago. And Tanya seeing that she was going to lose if it came to any kind of match physical of verbal left, saying that we were all freaks and that she rather die then try to help emotionless people like us, almost as if we were made of stone or something. And everyone just stared at me. I never start anything so this, this was new.

" what that needed done I could breathe around her with all that silicone and hairspray." And everyone just laughed.' Plus after she almost ruined my friendship with Bella, she deserves it."

Everyone looked up at her, you could tell that everyone wanted to tell her just how sorry they were, it was going to be hard, but they were all capable of it, some more then others.

"so what are you guys going to do?" I asked " I mean you guys do want Bella back as a friend right?"

"friend please she was and is like a sister to all of us, and I miss my little sister." Emmet said and I knew he would be next to make up with her, and between rose and jazz they would soon follow, the only question is, can bella forgive the love of her life after that kind of heart ache and be friends or could they be more. I can see it that he cares for her, how much I don't know, Edward kind of hides himself even to us, but when he saw her singing last night, it was like he was alive again. And even if they did become friends again could they be more or would jess be Bella's new love. I really wish I could look into the future sometimes.


	13. Chapter 13

Even though spring break is a weeklong the gang only stayed with me for four days, since their own parents wanted to see them as well. In those three days I made my first confrontation with the Cullen's, made up with Alice, and got more confused about me and jess than ever. I mean that night that we left the karaoke bar we left arm in arm and the gang left to go to the hotel, and jess walked me home. He was spinning me and it was like as we were walking that we were also dancing. Then half way there, we just held hands. And you know I felt safe and secure. His hands felt nice against mine, his were a bit too big, and mine a bit to small but, it was nice, no it was more than nice. Only a little less than perfect. But when we stopped at my house he pushed a stray hair away from my face, and kissed my forehead. And said goodnight, then he said something else but I couldn't quite place what he had said.

That whole night I spent not only thinking about jess but also about Esme. Then we had our visit, and it felt like I had my sister and best friend back. And I knew that Esme and Carlisle were always going to feel like family to me.

Me and my dad were having some great days he took yesterday, tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday off that way we could spend time together. We went to port angles and had coffee and talked for hours on end getting god know how many refills. Then we went to a skating rink and skated and had hot chocolate. it was a perfect day. Me and him were going to go to la plush tomorrow fish and hang out with a couple of his buddies down there. But today he worked and the gang was gone. So I decided to go to the gym. Now the high school has attack and field house that has workout equipment like it was going on sale, which knowing that school it more than likely was. The only bad part about this was even though the public could use it at anytime, being that it was placed way from the school, that I might run the chance of running into someone that I really didn't want to see right now. But you have to take chances in your life right?

**Em pov**

I was going to work out since my last two periods of the day after lunch were gym and study hall, the coach and teacher always let me go down there. But that's when I noticed a beat up old red truck, that truck could only belong to one person, and that was Bella. I have no idea what she would be doing here but I really wished that I could talk to her, or at least be able to get her information from alice.

But right now it iron pumping time and I couldn't wait. as I walked in I noticed something, usually I am all alone during this time when I come to work out, and I love it that way, but I had to count my lucky stars because the girl who was working out was Bella, and although for about a minute I could stop but think that she looked out of place here, where if she tripped she could get seriously hurt, but also this was Bella, she hated gym and working out and all of that stuff. But she looked like she belonged here, was running the indoor track so I decided to wait at the end of one of the curves and either she would stop or I would run with her until she would talk to me. I missed my sister, and I needed to get her back, no matter what.

So I just waited, and when she saw me it was like she was deciding, making a judgment call. Please let her talk to me god, if you are up there she will. Please

**Bella pov**

My guts were right I did end up seeing someone here, Emmet was here, so I decided to do a quick sweep of the place to see if any of the others were here and with my luck none of them were. Emmet I could handle by myself, he was like a big teddy bear of a brother to me and I missed him deeply, but he also hurt me too, so how could I forgive him so easily, but even though my head kept telling me don't stop just keeping running, my heart was telling me that it was time to let go and forgive him, I mean he never really said anything through it all. But even though my head and heart were arguing against each other my feet were like they had a mind of their own and stopped.

**Bella**, Emmet, italics are there thoughts.

"Bella bear!" that was all it took he swept me up in one of those bone crushing hugs,

"**em I ….cant….breathe…." **_**I tried to remind him, but ever since we were kids he almost chocked me with his hugs.**_

" oh I am sorry Bella bear but I couldn't help myself I just missed you so much, it took everything in me the other day not to hug you right then and there." _I just missed her so much and when she stopped it was like she was silently saying that she wanted to talk too. Maybe she missed me as much as I missed her._

"**its okay em just put me down so i can breathe please." **_**And I couldn't help but to laugh at it. And he joined in on it, and all the awkwardness that I was feeling was gone. But the next thing I knew I was back up in his arms, only not chocking this time.**_

"oh Bella bear I have missed you so much, and I am so sorry that I didn't believe you its just that Tanya had rosie convinced and somehow she convinced me too. And I know that we should have all believed you over her, over Tanya. But when she came over to our house and told us about how she wanted a family, and to start over with you and us. How she and her family basically hated each other, and that sometimes it wasn't just verbal,. And then she said that she saw just how close we all were and that even though we weren't all related that she wanted that…. And she was crying Bella and you know how I get when girls cry, I can't help myself I have to try and make them stop…..but then we made you cry too, and I can't ever forgive myself for the way that me and my family treated you, but I really hope that one day that you will be able to although. I don't see how exactly, I mean you trusted us, and loved us like family, and then what did we do we…..we betrayed you and believed some psycho bleach blonde fake girl, who can't grasp the idea of love because, she is so consumed with the idea that she has to make everybody's life worse so that she can feel even an ounce better about herself. And we believed her that girl, over you the most kind and caring person that I have ever known. And I don't know if you can ever forgive, me but I will never stop trying to gain you trust and you forgiveness Bella. You are like a little sister to me and I hate not having you in my life, I miss you sis…. I really do and I hope that one day that you can forgive me too…… please Bella " _I couldn't tell what exactly Bella was thinking, it looked like she was on the verge of tears, and I knew that I was too, only I wasn't ashamed to cry most guys are, but it's an emotion and if you can't go through the motions then what is life._

_**How could I stay mad at emmet, he was like an older brother to me, and he never really said anything bad, but on the other hand actions do speak louder then words right. God I hate being so confused because all I want to do right now is to throw my arms around him and cry and tell him how much I have missed him too. And that he was like a brother to me too. And to forgive him like I did alice. And he the great big strong emmet was on the verge of crying, like I knew that I now was too. And that is an action too right. Argh I am so confused.**_

"Bella….please say something scream and yell if you want……. I don't care, I just want to start to get you to forgive me, give me any and all verbal and physical beatings that you want I know that I deserve them…….just please say something anything……" _ why isn't she saying something is tht I good thing or is it a big bad sign that she won't be able to forgive, me that she is so hurt that she can't even yell at me anymore?_

_**Come on god give me a sign that I should or shouldn't forgive him, I mean part of me wants to and the other part of me just wants to punch him and yell at him, and run away. Oh my god….it's Edward….i can't deal with him and emmet at the same time, I can't I might have become a stronger Bella in Arizona but I am not that strong……..oh god**_

_What is she looking at she looks so scared, so I turned around and I saw Edward, he had his back to us, so I don't think that he had seen me or Bella yet, but the look on her face right now said it all. She can't deal with him right now, and I know that he wants to talk to her too, but right now after all the crap I have put Bella through, I won't make her have to deal with this too,_ " come on Bella follow me real quick, lets go." _I took her hand in mine and led her away from him, we ran downstairs and down this little tunnel, it led to the green house, which no one would be in right now because the science teacher was out sick, then I led her outside and to her car. The whole way their she hadn't said anything, but I wasn't going to concentrate on that right now, I just have to make sure that Bella is okay she looks like she is going to pass out. "_Bella are you okay, please say something"

_**I looked at Emmet, did he really just save me from having to talk to Edward? Because he knew or maybe saw it on my face that I couldn't deal with him….maybe that's my sign **_**" oh Emmet I have missed you too, and I believe you that you are sorry, and of course i forgive you** **and I want to work on it and become what we were, I missed my brother too Emmet, I really have.**_ "__** with that I gave him the biggest hug that I could and we stayed like that. **_**" here give my your phone**_ ,_**there are some conditions to he forgiving you okay emmet ( he nodded for me to go on)** **one: this doesn't mean that everyone else is off the hook, so no talking about me to them, you can't give them any of my contact information either ,two: you can't push forgiving anyone on me, it has to be my decision, and right now I don't think that I can, Four: if there is something that I don't want to talk about, or do, you have to accept that as me, and like who I am.. And Five: you have to be able to love me for who I am, not who you think I was, because I have changed for the good or bad I have and I am really happy with my life. Can you accept those conditions?"**

" of course I can, but I hope you haven't changed so much that you aren't my little sister anymore, and that I can't give you bone crushing hugs either."

"**I haven't changed that much Emmet is cool don't worry, but I have to get going, and cook dinner for Charlie, and I think you have to get going back to school and change because I think that was the last bell…….**_**i entered all my information on my phone gave him a hug and left. This was a better workout than I thought I would get today. **_


	14. Chapter 14

Edward pov

I thought that I had seen her, right here in the track and field house. She was running, but then she was gone, and she was with someone. Emmet was going to die when I saw him next, he should have let me talk to her, how am I ever supposed to get her to forgive me if I couldn't even get within five feet of her? I still can't believe how stupid I was to believe Tanya over Bella. Sweet innocent Bella, she would never lie to anyone, and sides her being completely honest she can't lie. I remember the time we all told our parents that one of us if not all of us were sleeping over at someone else's house. We wanted to sneak out to see an All American Rejects Concert, but when if came time for Bella to tell or lie to Charlie, she froze and couldn't do it, when she tried she got that adorable blush and couldn't stop smiling. It was so cute that not one of us could find it in us to actually be mad at her. I still smile when I think of that day.

But now those days seem so far away from where we all were. And to be honest I miss her each and every day, some days especially now when I see what being in college has done for Bella, I wonder if I ever truly knew her. I didn't even know how beautiful she sang, and the way that she flirted back with that Jess guy. I never saw that girl, heck I never knew that girl could even begin to be in Bella. She is far from that shy, clumsy girl she once was. And seeing how much she has changed has got me to think that maybe I never will get the chance, she is moving about a hundred miles an hour right now and I am stuck in neutral. Having to watch her run and blossom, into this amazing person and that is all I can do is watch, mainly because I can't get her to talk to me, not as if I deserve it at all.

So now I am walking to that place where me and old Bella used to hang out when one of us was having a bad day. Somehow even if one of us hadn't seen that other we always knew where to go to comfort the other. Maybe if I can't talk to the new Bella I could confront and talk to the ghost of who she used to be. I keep on seeing this glimpses of me and her together here in our meadow, like over there between those to willow trees, we used to hid between the leaves and in those moments only me and Bella were real, we were secluded and safe from all of the bad things that existed in the world. Then right there by the tiny river or pond, maybe the right word would be stream we would sit over there and think about everywhere and anywhere in the world that we would rather be. I remember when Bella said that she loved this place the most because the water came down and was collected at different points in the world and travel in clouds for such a long period of time, that when it did rain again, or when we saw streams flowing, that some of the water might be from Africa or Paris. She said that it made her feel exotic and connected to the rest of the world,

My favorite part though had to be when we were tired of everything that we would just plop ourselves down in the middle of our meadow and just lay in silence, sometimes talking to each other about our fears, or hopes, but we were always there for each other and I threw it all. Perhaps that is what I missed so much, not just her but the closeness I felt I had with her, how big of a fool could I have been to not have seen how important she was in my life. Why did I have to chase her away, or let her leave without a fight. And how am I going to let her know how horrible I feel about this all. Now I have been walking so long and the tears that are in my eyes I refuse to let them fall as I walk to the stream, but as I get closer I see someone else here in Bella and I's spot. I know that technically we don't own it but how can someone just sit there were she used to… I decide that I was going to forget that I didn't own it and go up there to the person and tell her…wait her, its her its Bella. She looks so sad as if she is going to cry and crack and break at any moment all I want to do is run up to her and hold her and let her know how sorry I am, but most of all to just be there for her now, unlike the last time she needed me. But just when I decide to be there for her and wrap my arms around her and beg for the forgiveness that I know I don't deserve to be granted, I stop because I can hear herm she starts off slow and soft and as the song picks up so does her voice, and then I saw another part of her I was always to busy to notice, she played guitar amazingly.

(we belong by everly)

We Belong lyrics

We belong  
we belong to the light.  
Many times I've tried to tell you  
many times I've cried alone.  
Always I'm surprised how well you cut my feelings to the bone.  
Don't wanna leave you really  
I've invested too much time.  
To give you up that easy to the doubts  
that complicate your mind.

We belong to the light  
we belong to the thunder.  
We belong to the sound of the words we've both fallen under.  
Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for better

We belong  
we belong  
we belong together.

Maybe it's a sign of weakness when I don't know what to say.  
Maybe I just wouldn't know what to do with my strength anyway.  
Have we become a habit  
do we distort the facts.  
Now there's no looking forward

now there's no turning back  
when you say:

We belong to the light  
we belong to the thunder

Close your eyes and try to sleep now

close your eyes and try to dream.  
Clear your mind and do your best to try  
and wash the pallette clean.  
We can't begin to know it  
how much we really care.  
I hear your voice inside me  
I see your face everywhere.  
Still you say :

We belong to the light  
we belong to the thunder

We belong to the light  
we belong to the thunder

We belong to the light  
we belong to the thunder.

After hearing that I couldn't help but smile as I heard her sing, maybe I couldn't get her to forgive me now, maybe I just needed to show her that I was here for when she wanted to talk, when she needed me I would be there for her this time I just needed to show her that.

Bella pov

I was singing my song that I had just started to write , I thought that it sounded pretty good, and it fit me now. It fit my friends back home in Arizona, and it rit the people and friends here in forks. We all belonged together because without each and everything that happened I wouldn't be on the road to who I am. I am actually starting to like who I am now that only thing that scares me is Jess, I mean I like him, and who knows for some unknown reason o me he might like me as well. But there is this nagging feeling in the bottom of my stomach that tells me that something is missing, plus everything isn't fixed yet here, and I leave in two days. Somehow I don't know how I can forgive the others. it has taken everything in me to be here, around them and forgiving some.

How did my life get so complicated, easy Tanya. As I was about to take a trip back into retro vile, something grab my attention, or someone at frist all I could see or rather here was this beautiful melody and now I saw the back of the man I once loved… and he had his back to me, he was walking away from me, AGAIN… and then another song came to me

Quicksand everly

I like to say, I've made good use of my time while you've been away.  
And it's true,  
I've been in my piano everyday  
thinking of you.

They talk around, I hear them whisper, It's the funniest thing really they think you're gone forever  
I know the truth, It's just getting hard to believe it.  
When they all tell me it's over  
even the stars are aligned and I,

I follow the signs so clearly,  
and still I've fallen  
the quicksand's pulling me down.  
I follow the signs so clearly,  
and still they catch me  
the quicksand's pulling me down.

I'm not the same, I can't sleep nights and now i'm calling your name when I do.  
and yet without you, they say I get along better, better, better.  
When they all tell me It's over  
I'll damn the gods until the stars are aligned and I,

I follow the signs so clearly,  
and still I've fallen  
the quicksand's pulling me down.  
I follow the signs so clearly,  
and still they catch me  
the quicksand's pulling me down.

Look at my life, look at my face, can't you see my heart bleeding down my sleeve,  
you're holding my hand and holding my heart but I just want to feel your breath inside me so I can breath.  
Somewhere in the distance I catch a spark of grace I hope it's something that makes me feel like i'm alive.

It's never to soon,  
it's never to late,  
so I start screaming out  
I see your face  
I see your hand reaching down and I yell to you and I say,

I follow the signs to clearly,  
and still I've fallen  
the quicksand's pulling me down.  
I follow the signs so clearly,  
and still they caught me  
.com/quicksand_lyrics_  
the quicksand's pulling me down.

I follow the signs so clearly,  
and still I've fallen  
the quicksand's pulling me down.  
I know you can feel me rising,  
And I'm on fire  
if you keep on pulling me up.

Look at my life, and look at my face,  
look where I've come to get to this place with you.  
Being here to sit and lay at your feet and rest in your arms  
And listen to your heart beat.

(ohhh...)


	15. Chapter 15

"guess who" a strong voice from behind me said as they covered my eyes. I knew who it was without needing to guess.

"hmmmmm Malcolm?" I teased knowing that jess hated his t.a from professors lemans class from this semester.

"ouch you really know how to bring a guy down you know that? Talk about low blows B." jess exclaimed trying to act hurt from my almost insult.

"oh you know that I was only kidding you jess. I would know you from anywhere and anyone"

"its good to know that you know me so well." Me and jess had gone to a local diner to eat super while the rest of the gang had gone shopping in the city near by. Me and jess decided to stay behind because even though we shopped here and there a group exploration of a new mall would take hours, and I just didn't feel up to that. Jess had suggested dinner and I told him I used to love eating here and so we picked a both in the back corner of the diner, where we could people watch. "so how about we play our favorite game B?"

"As much as I would truly love to play jess I know everyone here and I have since I was born, I don't think making up who someone is and what they do would be fair or fun, when I know the truth. Besides saying that Mr. Jenkins my tenth grade gym teacher doing anything but making me struggle the hurdles and endless miles of running, would be crazy." I tried to point out and jess seemed to consider my answer, he looked so cute when he made that face, his eyes looked like a million thoughts and feelings were going across them, his hair falling slightly into his eyes. He was wearing torn and faded jeans, a tighter black shirt that was tight enough that it showed his toned body off, without looking like it was too tight, and he had a plaid red and yellow button up, he looked like he belonged here, but yet stylish. I was wearing a pair of jeggins that fit perfectly over my legs, a long sleeved dark red lace dress that ended half way down my thighs that was see through, a black tank talk, and red high heels. My makeup was light, barely seeable and my hair was curled slightly.

"okay then, how about we do something else?" he suggested

"what do you have in mind?"

"what if we went to go see those friends or ex friends or family, or whatever they were? I would really like to meet some of them. And to see if they really are as….. well to see if I can see why you forgave half of them after everything that they did to you." Jess said while looking and holding my gaze.

"why? What does it matter why and that I forgave some of them?" I said this without realizing that I was in a soft/ gentle way slamming my hands on the table. I had this discussion with the rest of the group they all seemed to understand why I would forgive the family that had betrayed me. It was a long and repetitive conversation, but I had thought that they realized that when I had to come home on breaks and would see them, and how much I had missed our make shift family. I guess that I had been wrong,

"B please don't get angry its not that I don't think that you should forgive them, granted begging and grooving, and a showering of gifts should have happened. "

"jess.." I started to warn him. But he had grabbed my hands in his. An electricity or spark stopping me and pulled me to meet and never break away from his gaze.

"no B you deserve to know how much you truly deserve, I care ….a lot about you B and I cant help but to want to protect you from any pain that I possibly can. Plus I want to be able to meet them because I truly want to know more about you, your family, friends, and I want to know your past. If that's okay with you B. I mean I already know your biological parents and I met Carlisle and Esme. But I really want to make a good impression."

"why? Why do you want to make a good impression on them, and know about my klutzy and awkward beginning."

"Because it was just that the beginning of your life B. I told you I … I really care about you and I want to make sure I know you, all of you!"

"all of me… that are you sure about that? I mean my daddy is the sheriff." I was starting to get a little nervous no guy has ever asked to get to know me all of me. No guy had ever held my hands across that table and starred at me with his much, what was it love, deep like. I could see myself blushing and smiling. How could a girl, a human breathing girl not when someone as hot as jess was saying these things. He nodded a yes while swallowing hard, and gave me a dazzling smile. " when you put it that way how could I say no?"

"good so when can we go?" he looked like he was dancing on the inside and I couldn't help but to laugh at his cuteness.

"well before we made the final plans for the night, alice told me with the exception of Edward, and his girlfriend that everyone would be there tonight, so how about we pay and go."

"how about we just go?" jess said wiggling his eyebrows up and down,

"I don't dine and dash."

"of course not, but I already paid. And no yelling saying that i cant buy you supper because I want to, and I already did. If you feel to guilty then leave the tip. " I did and jess laughed and we drove to the cullens house.

We had been at the Cullen's house for two maybe three hours, we had played monopoly the entire time, everyone swapping stories, their favorite subject was of course me. Esme told the story about how we had became a family that we were all playing in the playground and after knowing Edward a whole ten minutes we got married with Alice preforming the ceremony, and how after a whole ten minutes of wedded peace, emmet made fun of us and Edward divorced me. Carlisle told us numerous stories about my visits to the hospital and how he and some of the nurses thought that they should have built me my own room for when I was at the hospital. Emmet talked about the time I got so mad that I chased him around the yard after he told me girls had cutties, and somehow got him on the ground and rolled in the mud. And then about how he proceeded to stuff the mud down my shirt, in the end I looked like a mud monster. Jasper talked about how on nights when we would have a group sleep over and we couldn't sleep how we would talk history and make up stories about how the world today would be if something had or hadn't happen. Alice talked, about many things and stories, from failed mall trips, to girl talks, but mainly about how we were like and are sisters and how much she loves me and our bond. Rose was pretty quiet the whole night but when everyone started to quiet down after Alice's stories she cleared her throat and told us about the night that me and rose had become friends. We had been having a girls night and somehow Alice had fallen asleep, I have always been a light sleeper and rose was having a nightmare. She didn't have to tell us of what , it was the only nightmare that rose would ever have. But I guess that she knew that jess wouldn't have known the story. She told us that when she started to get to loud I gently shook her till she woke up and held her as she cried. Rose had been abused and raped by her first boyfriend and even though he was in jail now she would have nightmare. She said that they slowed down after rose had met Emmet but she would still have them. The night I held her I hardly knew her and we talked and I cried, we bonded and I told her that I knew that her parents were gone a lot, and that if she wanted she could always stay with me, that I could always use another sister. Rose was crying heavily. So I held her like I did that night and told her that I still could.

"well I know this might not be the best time to say this, since it is going to break the moment, but I thought that I would announce that I am buying parkway. So banker Esme if you would take my money and give me the card." Jess had said it like it was a big announcement but I knew it was to distract the others from rose and me and allow us to pull ourselves together. I was grateful to him for that.

"what about you jess what is your favorite bella moment?" rose asked slashed sniffed.

"well my favorite B (he sounded out the letter as if to let everyone know that I was a different person now but a lot the same) would have to be the night before her first midterm. We had been studying for hours. I had already had my first two and didn't have any the next day so I decided to help B with hers. Anyways we had been at it for hours, and I could practically see the steam rolling off of her. So I turned on the radio and pulled her up and he started I tried to get her to dance. But I she kept insisting that she couldn't dance, that she had two left feet. Well I told her that was perfect because I had two right ones, so I was sure that we would even each other out and be awesome. Plus we were both so tired and needed to let some steam roll off of us. So I pulled her to stand on my feet and we danced and spun. I got her to forget about finals, and she fell asleep so I put her in bed set her alarm and left. That next day she pounced on me when the teacher had graded hers first since she was done first and aced it. I think that was pretty great." Jess said I didn't and still don't know when he started to hold my hand under the table but I only noticed it when he started to rub the top of my hand with his thumb. I couldn't help but marvel at how safe he made me feel here. The girls awed at this and emmet and Carlisle looked between happy that I was happy, or mad because well that's what dads and brothers do. Jasper just looked passive.

The entire night was great and I didn't think that anything would go wrong until me and jess had been putting on our coats and saying our good byes, when the phone rang and alice answered it. Alice had made this face like she had eaten something extremely sour, and bad. I knew that it had to be because of one person Tanya, even if Alice was totally angry at Edward she would never make that horrible face. You could tell that Tanya had to have been yelling and Alice was mumbling Alice of all people and then when Edward came in, he had a passive, almost dead aura about him, but he looked like the world had been tossed back off his shoulders, and I couldn't help but noticed how hot and cute he was. Alice was about to say who it was and hand the phone to him when he had cut her off.

"if that's Tanya tell her I meant what I said. We are done I can't take her constant bickering and whining. Her poor me stories and lies. I am not going to sit around anymore while she decides to tares our family apart. I will not listen to her and allow her to lie to me until I chose only her and have no one left besides her. I will not be her pathetic and putty minded boyfriend anymore. I will think for myself and I will never choose her over anyone else in my life. She has played god one too many times in my life and I am done with it and her. I meant what I said we are done. I only wish that I had done this before." With that he finally looked like he realized it wasn't just his family there and me and jess had been there as well. He looked happy to see me and almost darkened at the sight of jess and I's hands that were and when I again could remember entwined. But then he smirked that heart racing smirk at me, but now with jess by my side my heart didn't race as fast. So then he nodded and went upstairs.

Meanwhile you could still hear Tanya yelling about something so Alice screamed into the phone "shut up already you fake blonde he doesn't care anymore and he is done stop being sad and move on, and leave us alone. And if you call here again I will sue you for harassment and I hope to god you spend just one hour and they break that fake nose off your face!" and she hung up the phone. I smirked hugged her and me and jess left again hand in hand.


	16. Chapter 16

Today was my last day in folks and as funny as it sounds I was sad to see the time end. I had made up with the majority of the Cullen family, but I just couldn't bring myself to make amends with Edward. Yes he had broken up with Tanya, but who's to say that the next pretty face to come around would destroy what we could pick up from the ash that was our friendship. And then there was Jess I was so happy that he stayed with me during spring break and that I got to spend a lot of time with my friends before they went on their own vacation. Tonight was going to be a me and Charlie day and then tomorrow Jess and I would get on a plane and leave until summer, or maybe even fall (summer classes look really good and would help me graduate sooner). I planned a homemade dinner but Charlie said that he would rather go out to eat and save what I made to enjoy when I left. So here Charlie and I were at the local diner because I don't need anything fancy and it used to be a tradition before I left.

"So you and this Jess boy…. Are you two seeing each other? So I have to show that boy my guns?"Charlie joked, I hope.

"dad….. don't show him your guns, I honestly don't know what we are at the moment. But I know that he makes me feel good about myself, and safe, and he makes me happy. So if we date or stay friends I know that he would be there for me no matter what."

"SO you don't know about dating but you want too?" Charlie said while shaking his head. "When did my little girl grow up?"

"Arizona, and here. I just never knew it till I got there." Just then I saw the Cullens walk in and wave to Charlie something felt like a set up to me. But I didn't let it show, yes I forgave them, but it didn't mean that I wanted them to feel like I was up to being like the old Bella always up for what they had planned and never saying anything. As they got to our table sliding two more tables over and enough chairs to fit them all.

"sorry to intrude on such a close knit meeting but since you are leaving tomorrow we couldn't resist the urge to come over and have dinner and talk." Carlisle said and I could be mad at them but at the same time I couldn't not be mad at them either. Why does everything have to be so damn confusing.

"its okay, bella and I have already eaten but we could all get desert and talk." Charlie offered and I just kinda shrugged it off. Not looking up to so that no one saw the hurt and anger that I was sure was in my eyes.

"so bella are you excited that you are almost done with your first year of college bella. I know that when I was done with my first year of college that I needed a break and summer vacation was just the ticket for me." Carlisle said

"well actually the school year may not end in may…. For me at least. I am debating on taking summer classes since I only went half way through the year." I started saying and I looked up seeing disbelief and maybe a little hurt in everyones eyes, well everyone but Charlie he and I have talked and he said that he would be good with my decision no matter what. And that if I did stay for summer classes then he would use some well deserved PTO and see me for a week and then I would come see him the week before classes began again. "well this way I will be a sophomore and be able to graduate early."

"whats up with you wanting to graduate early?" Emmet asked looking at me like I grew a third head.

"Well jess and Victoria and the rest of them are all going to be juniors this year and then I could be a sophomore, if I did summer classes the next couple of years, I could graduate the summer class after them. I could be with my family when we all decide where we take the next step into the grown up world. " I said and I noticed that when I talked about them being a family to me that it hurt. But they were my family, they picked me up when I was hurt and they made me whole again, they made me stronger.

"Family….so you are going to make a life decision on a bunch of people that you just met?" Alice asked me.

"Yea." I replied back to

"Come on Bella you cannot be serious" Rose said "I mean I know that we were never that close especially in the last couple of months, but you cannot make a decision based on a bunch of friends, that you just met." Everyone starting to join in but Charlie, Esme and Carlisle

"Look I understand your concern, but its not like I am going to war or anything, or dropping out of school. I am merely making a decision to stay at school during the summer and have fun. The gang is going to be there and we are going to play some gigs and have fun, and I will be helping my education. There is nothing wrong with that, whats wrong is that I hardly talked to you guys in that last what…. 5 months or more and we have been working on rebuilding our former friendships, and I guess you thought that meant that I was going to be plain, quite, and passive Bella. But its not, you have to respect my decisions and the new me. Trust me that there is still a lot of the old bella in me, but I don't back down and you trying to persuade me from doing what I want is stupid and not going to let you achieve anything." As I said this I got up and looked at Charlie. " Dad I think that I am ready to go home now dessert was ruined and I have to be up at three so that I don't miss my flight with Jess tomorrow. It was something to see you all before I left. " when I got up to leave so did Edward, what surprised me was that he wrapped me up in his arms to stop me from leaving.

"Bella…bella….bella don't do this, don't leave after a fight again. Look I know that yes we should have had such I strong reaction to you wanting to do summer classes and yes it sounds like a great idea. But it shook me and I am sure everyone to hear you saying that these people are your family. we used to be your family and that hurts, that we got to a point where we hurt you and stopped being that for you. Just don't walk away again from us. Don't run off when things get tough, because I know that I am going to follow you when you run, you were my best friend at one point and it kills me that I have to say that it ended, but its going to start back up and we will be friends again. And I promise you that we will be your family again, because none of us can handle losing you." He held me through all of this and I could help but hold onto him. Edward would always have that special connection with me that I couldn't explain and that I didn't want to. But at the same time I couldn't get pulled back into that, it hurt too much to let go of him and all the sleepless nights that I had.

"okay" I said a little shaky but it was audible. I sat back down and smiled at them, and Edward.

We talked about school more and our band. I told them more about the band that I was in and how a lot of our performances on youtube from the coffee houses. Alice pulled her smart phone and watched a video and they seemed to really enjoy it. They seemed a little more at ease and so did I we talked more about high school and what I missed in the last couple of months. Apparently Jessica Stanley and Mike were dating, same with Angela and Ben. I learned that after graduation For Emmet, Rose and jasper that Emmet and Rose were thinking about California, apparently Rose wanted to go into the field of engineering and astrophysics and a college out there was the best in the country. And then Emmet was going to follow her. He wanted to do something with sports medicine, he just wasn't sure on what exactly. Jasper was going to Seattle so that he wouldn't be too far away from Alice but still able to start off on this college education. Alice and Edward said how sad that they would be with gang pretty much all gone and unsure of what the next step was. We talked more and it felt like old times, old family dinners. We talked until the dinner closed and when we were about to separate I gave everyone a hug and seems to settle alittle more on Edward. "thanks for the pep talk Edward, I needed it."

When I left at 3am in the morning I felt better then I had in a long time. It was hard to have to say goodbye to Charlie again, but I knew that I was going to see him again in a couple weeks and we talked all the time. So it wouldn't be as bad as it had been that first time that I left forks. And going back to Arizona and my family there I realized that I had two families and that I was good with that. When Jess picked me up I looked at him and I realized that I really did care about him, but still unsure if it was love, like I still felt for Edward, but I didn't know if I could really trust Edward, and jess and I have been growing so close these last couple months that I could be in love with him. So when he picked me up I kissed him for the first time and it was magical. But now I know that I could talk to Alice and Rose, and Victoria as to what was going on, and who I was supposed to go for. But Edward just got out of a relationship that ripped everything apart and Jess is jess and he makes me fell amazingly perfect.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17…

Apov

I was doing some end of the year homework, which is a joke when I saw that Bella had updated her facebook page. Now Bella and I have been talking more, and are starting to really get along but I still didn't know about her everyday life like I did not even a year ago. Could that really be right, less than a year ago Bella and I were inseparable we were best friends that shared everything? And now I have to sift through some stupid status update to see what is happening in her life? The update read "What does 12 credits towards a college degree…. Plus 20 gigs in local coffee shops and ..other places….plus weekend trips to where ever the car and little gas money we have….plus the best friends equal….. the best summer EVER! "

I was glad for Bella that she had all of these amazing plans and that she was happy. But I missed her, she was my sister and I know that I hurt her, but we were working on it, and now I feel like she and I don't get to see her. I feel like this is going to put more then miles between us and that I couldn't afford that. I miss my sister and even though we are friends I want to get back to before. And what happens once I graduate and I go off to college, even though I have no idea where I was going to go. I have some BIG college shopping to do…. Hahaha college shopping bella would have loved that one, with my shopping addiction and all.

OMG that's it, that how I can see Bella and talk to her and still make it seem, not so pushy. OH OH and I can take Edward and the gang with us, now I we would have to convince our parents but I am sure that I can definitely do that but, I need a little more power….. oh and wont Edward be happy. Edward has been so down lately, he and Bella used to be so close and I don't know how I missed how she felt, but I think that the biggest shock that I missed was the fact that Edward felt the same way. I mean yes he was dating that slut Tanya, but I think that he did that because he never thought that he could have bella. Maybe because he thought that she was too good for him (which lets face it after the way that we all treated her she was way too good for all of us), or maybe because he didn't want to jeopardize his friendship, that didn't work out well. But Maybe if we went there and saw Bella in her environment and saw her in a place that made her happy, and had her see that we could really be in her life and that she could still be happy that we could grow more into being the family that we once were. I mean you can never have too many people surrounding you who loved and cared about you. And Edward would be able to see for himself that he had to step up before Bella and Jess got together. Yes he was nice and sweet and made her feel good, but from the pics that I saw of the two of them she wasn't in love. Yes I missed her love of Edward, but looking back now, how could I have missed it? but I am so sure that I wasn't missing it now. She hadn't fallen in love but they were getting closer everyday, but it had to say something that after months of knowing each other that they still weren't more then friends. RIGHT?

Now I have to talk to everyone and set a date to go see Bella, and we should make it around the time that she has one of her shows, I cant wait to hear her sing again. I can't believe that I never knew how great of a singer that Bella was. She is so good that I get goose pimples. I have some serious digging, begging and planning to do, and I can't wait to get everything settled so that I can see my sister again, and maybe this time I can leave feeling like we are back to normal or at least closer to our normal.

ED POV

Bella…. I love to see her updates, because I love that girl. And I cant believe that I never saw it or maybe I always did but I would never cross that line. I think that I always knew that I would, but I never would have guessed that I would have messed it up this much. That I could have messed it up to the point that I hardly spoke to her. No hardly doesn't fit I never talk to her, yes I have the occasional chat online with her, or a text her or there, but never a full conversation where I can hear her voice. That voice that I never knew could sound so amazing so true and pure and perfect. I wish that I never would have hurt her, I wish that I would have seen through Tanya, and I know that I should have, I never should have given Tanya a second thought. But something inside me made me think that if I couldn't have Bella then Tanya would be perfect, only because she was so unlike Bella and like Bella at the same time. That maybe I would be able to get over her and not have our lives or friendship which meant everything to me destroyed because of me. Tanya was like Bella in the way that she seemed to need a family too, like Bella did after Renee left, and she had to grow up without a mother. Tanya gave me this awful story and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her and start to put some of my feelings for Bella to Tanya. I don't know where I let all the lines blur and cross but I did and I hate myself for it.

I know that Alice is planning a trip to see bella and I cant wait for it. I don't want to shock Bella or upset her and I love her so I couldn't stand it. Even though I never told Bella how I feel because I don't think that she would believe me, or maybe she already moved on. I mean that Jess guy and her were getting close but as far as I could tell they still weren't anything more then friends. Although I made that decision to stay friends I had to hope that Jess was just as stupid as me. That way maybe I could prove to bella on this trip that I loved her and that I belonged with her. And even if she didn't see it right away, maybe I could get her to at least talk to me. God I missed her everyday, I don't seem whole without her.

Even though I know that she was okay and that she was well taken care of, that she felt that she was happy and she felt like she belonged their, we had to show her that she belonged in folks or with us. Because I didn't care where I was as long as I had my family and yes that family included Bella. I would never be whole again if I didn't have her in my life. And I would make sure that on this trip that she knew that. When she came home for spring break I got her to start to talk to be…..granted seldom still but she still talked to me and wasn't with Jess so I would count that as a win. And maybe I could get her to give me a chance or at least think about it. and then we would talk more and I swear if I had to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her then I would. She is everything to me and I don't think I could and I wouldn't want to live without her in that life, but I can't go back to bing in love without saying it…. I want it all and I only want it with Bella.

Jess POV

I really care about Bella and I know that I am older and that I will graduate sooner then Bella, but I also know that she is amazing. But I am no fool, I know that her visit to folks messed her up and I am okay with that. But I have to make sure that before any of her friends take their place in Bellas heart that she has to be okay with it. and that they wont go hurting her again. Bella was like half a person when she got here and I never can let her go back to it. I love bella but sometimes I wonder if I am in love with her or if I love her like a friend or a family member. But she is so sweet and kind and perfect, but I think that sometimes I confuse her and myself. We both like to hang out and I know that she is everything that I once wanted, but at the same time I want to be able to move on with my life when I am done with school I want to have a career. That might mean that I have to move, and I am too young to think about settling down or being involved with only one girl. I may not be a player but I still don't think that I can keep waiting for bella to make up her mind. I know that she is going to stay in school because you really can't go back to high school.

And I see the way that she looks at some of the pictures that her mom and that Esme sent her. She gets all gushy over that guys that broke her heart and the friends that tossed her away. But that's Bella she forgives people, now she did forgive fast but its not like she jumped back into being best friends with them sharing everyting. And she practice all the time with our music and her starting classes has her pretty booked, but she still talks to them here and there. So maybe if I don't get with her, I can make it harder for them to get back with her. She needs someone to look out for her, she needs someone to say hey, you better treat her right or I will kill you and they will never be able to find you. She needs someone to see her the new and the old her, someone who wont make comparisons about this and that meaningless crap. And most importantly she needs someone that will block that douche Edward, she needs to be tough and the way that she looks at a picture of him and her I know that she can't do that. She is too perfect, I need to be imperfect for her. I love her like a little sister and sometimes more but I can't let anyone else know…..but Bella I would never lead her on, but part of me feels like I wouldn't be letting her on, because I can see that she loves him. She's just scared because who wouldn't be scared about loving the one person in the world that hurt you the most, the one person who should always believe in you and help you. He destroyed her and me and our family picked her up. She loved them and us, now she needs to merge them together. Maybe this little trip her friends are going to take will help, and I can't wait for this because in the end, Bella deserves it.


End file.
